Motion Picture Whore

Moved to Wordpress

2011-06-27T23:53:00.002-04:00

Hello,
Long time since posting here. That is because I moved over to Wordpress.

Here's the link:

Scandinavian Film Fest 2011: Review 'The Bothersome Man (Den Brysomme Mannen)'

2011-05-08T00:39:00.001-04:00

Let me first start off by saying that this is my own personal Scandinavian film fest, not any official fest, mostly because it takes place in my bedroom in Michigan. I decided that, between trying to find something to watch on TV and what was already in my Netflix queue and having zero luck, I would turn to Scandinavia, a place I want to visit but can't afford. I'm also learning Swedish for personal growth and for fun so I figured that a virtual trip to the Nordic lands via cinema was a good, cheap vacation.

I've already written about 'Troubled Water (DeUsynlige)', a wonderful drama from Norway on a previous day and have since watched about three more movies. The film I am going to write about this evening I watched two nights ago called 'The Bothersome Man (Den Brysomme Mannen)' and hails from Norway as well. Released in 2006, this film is a very Kafka-esque, surreal "nightmare" of a film, and what I mean by that comes in later, that is partly black comedy and part social commentary and stars Trond Fausa Aurvaag and Petronella Barker. I have mixed feelings about this movie, I can't decide whether I liked it or not.

The movie opens with a man, named Andreas, standing on a subway platform staring into the camera. He looks to the side and sees a couple sucking face, quite literally sucking face. It's one of the most awkward and weird things to witness in the first few minutes of a film and it all makes sense later in the film. The man then "jumps" into the path of the passing train. The next shot he is in a bus being driven out to the middle of nowhere where a man greets him at an abandoned gas station and takes him to "the city" to be introduced to his new life. He is given an apartment, a job and everyone is seemingly very nice and pleasant. The creepy-factor from everyone is really tipping the meter through the whole film. As he goes about his mundane, boring job and home life of eating tasteless food and drinking alcohol that never makes a person drunk he encounters a man in the bathroom of a local bar who starts going on about how he can never get drunk and how he can't taste anything before Andreas sees him leave the bar and follows him to a building where a basement light comes on and music plays. He can't get this man out of his head, as he too has noticed that booze doesn't make you drunk, food has no taste, nothing has a smell and conversations are quite bland, but he never sees the man again.

During this time he meets a woman at a work dinner, begins to date her, they have boring, feeling-less sex several times while he moves in with her and begins renovations at their new home. He's in love, or so he seems until he meets another woman that he works with and tests out whether his current relationship will fall apart when he starts hanging around a new woman that he eventually falls in love with. At this point the plot treads into 'spoiler' territory so I'll stop writing down the whole story, but I will say that the opening shots in the subway train tunnel come in to being soon enough.

The movie has a wonderful, weird, creepy atmosphere that is played out very well with very dark rooms and muted colors in most places but the subway tunnel and you genuinely get the feeling of a feeling-less boring society that seems to just be peachy and perfect on the surface; a place where everyone just goes along with what they are given and learns to like it, but also a place that some people find weird and not satisfying. Andreas is one of those people.

I wish that I could say that I liked, or disliked, this movie one way or another, but I just don't know. I liked that acting, I liked the music, I liked the pace and atmosphere. What I didn't like was the ultimate ending and the fact that if you are going to go weird Kafka-esque on the audience, you go balls to the walls crazy-weird. Go David Lynch Mulholland Drive/Lost Highway-I've seen this movie 12 billion times and don't know what's going on-crazy. This movie dipped its toe in surreal weirdness and then realized it was a tad too chilly and yanked it right out, but not before throwing the creepy atmosphere towel into the deep end, and that, along with the acting, may be its one saving grace.

Overall, I definitely think it's worth a watch because of the creepiness it does have and because of the acting and well-shot scenes and I'd be interested to hear some other feedback as to how it was received in your eyes and brains.

I will throw out a warning that if you watch on Netflix streaming, the aspect ratio is not correct. It is far too letterboxed and the whole movie seems weirdly stretched. It isn't just part of the film, it really is messed up on Netflix.

'Troubled Water' Review

2011-05-03T20:19:00.000-04:00

Before I begin, make sure if you search for this movie, you look for Troubled Water (deUSYNLIGE) and NOT Troubled Waters. Troubled Waters is about an FBI agent that is hired to track down some missing child and then has to unravel the mystery of what really happened to the little girl...or something. I gathered all that from the five line synopsis and knew that was not a movie I was interested in.

Now on to the interesting movie. Troubled Water (for once a faithful translation of a foreign movie title) is about a young man named Thomas, convicted of killing a four year old boy, who gets out of prison and gets a job working at a church as the organ player. While working at the church he meets Anna, one of the priests at the church and starts a relationship with her. The problem is that she has a child who looks much like the boy he was accused of killing so he feels a lot of apprehension about being around him. At the same time he is trying to continue with his life, the mother of the child he allegedly murdered sees him in the church playing the organ during a field trip with her class. She then proceeds to follow him around and in essence stalk him. According to her husband, all they want is for him to admit that he killed the boy and to say what happened to the child, but Thomas sticks to his original story that it was an accident and he had nothing to do with the death.

The brilliance of this movie is that it is a simple character study about the lives of two people connected through a common event and how they attempt to live their lives, or not live their lives depending on how you look at it. The structure is also very uncommon and honestly, quite refreshing. The first section is about both characters and the even that took place. Then the film moves for the next 45 minutes to an hour is about Thomas and his experiences. The final portion covers what happened with the mother of the dead child culminating with a confrontation and an ending that is different than what American audiences are used to.

The film is brilliantly shot with gorgeous shallow depth of field and wonderful rack-focus shots. The lighting and coloring are lovely and the acting is top-notch. Pål Sverre Valheim Hagan is wonderful as Jan Thomas and really shows this vulnerable, hurt, scared, afraid nature of the character. The soundtrack really plays well with the whole feel of the movie and the theme of forgiveness and closure is felt through the whole movie right until the very end.

There is just something about these Scandinavian movies that really grabs my attention and this one is no different. I would have to say this movie was one of my favorites of all time. There are so many little nuances that I missed the first time through and after watching a couple scenes online again I can see things I missed. I highly recommend the movie to anyone looking for a wonderful character film that pulls at your heartstrings without being obvious and Oprah-Book-of-the-Week-like.

Here are a couple of scenes and the trailer. I can't promise there won't be spoilers, so beware.

Trailer (no English)

Trailer (English)
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1244939288029

This wonderful extended International trailer has a split screen of the film and does include spoilers...so be warned: SPOILERS! Although if you don't understand Norwegian you won't know what's being said exactly.

'Abduction' trailer

2011-05-01T22:10:00.001-04:00

If you are in the need to see the little rat-faced boy from Twilight play a plethora of characters from Steven Segal to Jason Statham to just about any and all action movie character from any and all movies, you are in luck! Here he is playing a kid who is normal and ordinary who finds out after hitting it off with pretty high school girl #1, that he seems to be a missing person. But why? Oh look! Someone just showed up at his door and attacks his "parents" who tell him to RUN! He, of course, runs and off he goes. Also, the chicky is with him. They run and run and run. He kicks and punches and kicks and runs and fights and kisses the girl.

The only reason I would ever watch this movie is because Michael Nyqvist is in it and he plays a bad guy. The only reason.

'Cowboys and Aliens' trailer

2011-05-01T21:49:00.000-04:00

The first time I heard Jon Favreau was making a movie with this title I immediately thought, "What?" The reason being that this sounds like a stupid idea. Cowboys and aliens? Yet, watching this trailer makes me wonder if I was wrong. I'm thinking yes.

However, they have used the familiar high-color contrast combination of orange and blue to flavor their film; a combo that is used far too much for really no reason what-so-ever other than human beings find those two colors to be pleasing when used in contrast.

What's the movie about, you ask? Well, Daniel Craig plays a man who has been dropped into 1873 Arizona with no clue about who he is, where he's from and why he's there. He has some kind of weird weapon on his wrist and he is taken into custody in this little back-water town when all of a sudden some aliens appear in ships and attack and then start to abduct the other people in the town. What do they do with them? Where do they take them? Why are they taking them? Why are they blue and the people orange? All questions to be answered when the movie comes out.

'Immortals' Trailer

2011-05-01T21:08:00.000-04:00

Tarsem Singh. Seriously, one of my favorite directors. Eiko Ishioka. My favorite costume designer.

Now that is out of the way, let me state that I don't fancy these '300'-type movies. While interesting visually, and possibly story-wise, they tend to just be too much flash. Now, with my man Tarsem directing I can know for sure that if it is just flash it will be beautiful flash. Like, the flash will be so blindingly awesome that your eyes will cry with joy.

Also, since I am obsessed with masks, I love the mask that one guy is wearing.

Trailer...now:

'Transformers: Dark of the Moon' trailer

2011-05-01T20:43:00.001-04:00

I'll start out by stating the obvious: Things go boom, transformers go transform, cameras go pan, people are orange and everything else is blue. Now, that being said, whoever does the final cuts for the trailers knows how to cut a trailer that is fun to watch...and most likely shows all the best parts from the movie.

This trailer doesn't really tell any story, but hey, what do you want? There was no story in the second one and barely a story in the first one, so there being no story in this movie really doesn't matter. I mean, what the hell do people go to see Michael Bay movies for anyway? To see orange people run from blue things that go boom! From what I deduce from the other trailers I've seen along with this one, is that at some point in the 60's during the moon landing (or before) some (or all) the transformers buried themselves (or crashed) on the moon. Now Optimus Prime is pissed because Marge Gunderson and the rest of the peoples on planet Earth didn't share everything they knew about his species with him. Then a bunch of transformers pop out of the moon and, as best I can tell, transport to Earth, possibly to the Washington Monument or something? Then they go all around destroying shit and probably chasing Sam Witwicky and his new piece of ass. That would be Rosie Huntington-something, a Victoria's Secret model with big boobs and big lips. Presumably they hope she will keep her face shut and not mouth off to the hand that feeds her. Let's hope that she either has a small number of lines or can actually act. She's a model, so let's not hold our breath.

Here's the trailer:

'Our Idiot Brother' Trailer

2011-04-26T19:44:00.000-04:00

Paul Rudd is an idiot. Well, his character is an idiot in this movie. I personally love Paul Rudd.

He plays a guy who gets arrested for selling drugs to a uniformed police officer at a farmer's market and when he gets out he travels around and crashes in on his three sisters and mother. I'm guessing, as is usually the case with these movies, that it ends up having heart.

'The Troll Hunter' Trailer

2011-04-26T19:36:00.000-04:00

Based on the fact that this is most likely a mock-umentary and as such looks quite interesting and the fact that it's Norwegian, and I love my Nordic folk, I believe I'll see this. Obviously the effects aren't stellar but my guess is that they are supposed to be like that.

Apparently, there are trolls roaming the Norwegian countryside and are kept in preserves by the government. That about covers it.

'The Devil's Double' Trailer

2011-04-26T19:31:00.000-04:00

Just because you keep putting 'Based on a True Story' doesn't mean the adaptation of someones true story will be good. In this case it looks like what you'll be getting is a whole lotta orange.

The basic run-down is that Saddam Hussein's son is a giant d-bag full of sluts, money and greed and he takes some guy and hires him to become a double so he can continue being a giant douche. Of course he's incredibly violent and nasty and over-the-top, though I am sure the guy was a giant prick.

Movie-wise, it looks terrible. I don't really care that the story was/is based on some true life-story, the fact that it's being played out like some reject version of 'Scarface' in the Middle East really doesn't appeal to me at all.

'Tron 3 'Flynn Lives' teaser short

2011-03-15T19:25:00.000-04:00

Tron: Legacy was one of my favorite movies of last year. It was fun, exciting, and dazzling with graphic diamonds in the form of pixel-people breaking apart inside Tron. I know the story wasn't what made the movie, it was the whole world that was created inside the video game.

Plus, Garret Hedlund is awesome, Bruce Boxleitner is awesome and they both have great voices.

Here is a teaser-short that is coming out on the DVD/Blu-Ray release of Tron: Legacy on April 5, 2011. It kind of sets up the next movie a bit and it's very well done. I hope they have some kind of ARG to go along with this movie.

'Hanna' Trailer

2011-03-15T18:58:00.000-04:00

I posted about this movie awhile ago and I have to say that it looks even better now.

With a stunningly awesome cast and a soundtrack by The Chemical Brothers, Hanna is sure to be awesome. It's also the first movie I've wanted to see in a really long time.

Here is the international trailer, the trailer and a couple clips to whet your appetite.

'Splice' Review SPOILERS

2010-12-28T01:37:00.002-05:00

It's been quite awhile since I've written a review and/or bitched about a movie, so here it is. I'm going full-throttle on 'Splice'.

I watched this movie last night after having it for several weeks, I kind of wish I had just sent it back without watching it. At first I thought most of it was good, just the end really got the bad looks. But as I thought of it more and more I began to realize that I thought it kind of, how do I say, sucks.

*SPOILERS*
Let me spell out the basics of the movie first.
Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley play two scientists (hip and young, of course) who have created these two creatures they name Fred and Ginger. Fred and Ginger were created to find cures for, I think, every disease blah, blah, blah. Of course they "imprint" each other and so make the magic cure, or something. They are all excited to continue on to make some kind of wonderful human-hybrid, but the drug corporation they work for wants to start stage two and move on to synthesize the proteins the creatures make for profit. So these two idiots decide to secretly create their own hybrid creature just to see if they can.

Of course, this being the plot of the movie, they see that they can indeed not only create the lifeform, but also bring it to term. They tuck it into, what I suppose is a secret room, yet it's right next to where the rest of the scientists are working, so it couldn't be that secret. After being born and then growing rapidly, Polley's character Elsa, convinces Brody's character Clive, to let the creatures life go on naturally since it's aging so quickly it'll die soon anyway; so he agrees. But soon things get a little out of hand and they have to move her to Elsa's mother's farm. Oh yeah...Elsa never wanted a real child because her mother was abusive to her and she didn't want to do the same to a child, or something along those lines. So, after all this neglect over their other, paying, project the original creatures attack each other at the shareholder's meeting, killing each other; the female one turned male.

Blah, blah, blah...the company gets real strict with the scientists and Dren (the creature's name. NERD spelled backwards, NERD being the company they work for) undergoes a series of events which show how Elsa does indeed have the same qualities as her mother, which culminates when she first takes a cat away from Dren, only to give it back and have Dren kill it before attacking her after Elsa slaps Dren. Fearing she'll attempt another attack, Elsa knocks Dren out and removes her stinger. Dren also develops wings at some point. This all sort of makes sense in the long-run, though stupidly.

Elsa uses the stinger tissue to generate samples to synthesize the proteins and saves the company. YAY! I'm not entirely sure, but just before the story goes off rail Elsa and Clive head back to the farm to get Dren and I'm thinking they were going to present her to the company or something so she can actually get out of the barn, or they were going to kill her; not sure. Anyway, when they get back to the barn she appears to be dead/dying in the water tank (yeah, she can breathe under water) and shortly she dies. This is where the movie should have ended...with Elsa and Clive burying her and that's it. But, you see...it isn't where the movie ends. I think the third screenwriter, the 'AND' screenwriter, had their hand in what comes next. What comes next is clearly included to make many, many sequels a-la Species. Clive and Elsa bury Dren and as they are walking back up front, a car drives up. It's Clive's brother and the company annoying-man. He demands to know where the creature is and as he demands something sweeps in and steals him away. Then it steals away Clive's brother and eventually Clive. But there is more! It then proceeds to rape Elsa (yeah, much like the other creatures, the female has turned male) thereby setting up the land of sequels before getting stabbed by Clive. Oh, there's more! Clive gets stabbed by Dren's stinger before Elsa smashes its head in with a rock.

So we end the story with her in the drug company's office getting a money offer and sympathetic, "No one would blame you for not going through with it", speech before she stands up and we see her pregnant and uttering the line, "What's the worst that could happen." I think she said that, it was uttered like 80 gazillion times in the movie. And that is what just made this movie tank in my eyes.

Before that, I actually was at least enjoying it. I thought Sarah Polley did a good job showing Elsa's issues with wanting a child but being afraid and then essentially treating Dren, her pseudo-child, exactly like she was afraid she would. I thought Dren was well-acted by Delphine Chaneac, she captured the child-like wonder and sadness that an abused and forgotten human child would show; the anger and frustration of not being able to leave the home. I thought Adrien Brody played idiot guy well enough. His hesitation at going along with Elsa time and again, his hesitation at Dren's advances...all of it worked. But what stopped it from working was when they took a story that should have ended, a commentary on science and morality in the common era, and took it down the road of stupid, shlock horror movie in order to set it up for sequels. That is when I checked out.

'Fast Five' (God, I wish I was kidding) trailer

2010-12-22T21:06:00.000-05:00

Yes...another Fast and Furious movie. Why? I don't know. But, here's an awesome quote from this gem of a movie, "And above all else, never...ever... let them get in cars." This fine quote is followed by various shots of cars revving engines, girls in short skirts walking slowly and Paul Walker and Vin Diesel in a car ("Let's go surfing...dude!). Then the lines get even more stupid, "This just went from mission impossible to mission in-freakin'-sanity." Yes, that was an actual line uttered in this trailer.

Then it just gets more ridiculous with shots of trains smashing into trains and then people jumping off the train onto speeding sportscars in the desert. Oh, always remember that if jumping off the roof of a building, flailing wildly and then crashing into a tin-roof and falling more...you'll be fine. It happened in a Fast Furious Four Five Fun movie. Alsom this model is fully loaded! Ugh!

Oh, dear GOD...it gets worse! They actually take two sportscars, yank out a safe from a bank and drag it through the streets as it slides around and smashes into things. Please, Mythbusters, please do an episode on how stupid this is!

'Your Highness' Trailer

2010-12-22T19:47:00.000-05:00

Admittedly when I first saw this on Trailer Addicts site I thought, "come on", then I realized that it had this cast and was also the movie that had Natalie Portman in a thong. Not a draw for me, but because it was plastered all over the internets a few weeks ago, it's nice to see which movie I can expect to see her almost-naked ass in.

This actually looks pretty funny. A classic "find-the-stolen-princess" movie, but still...it looks funny.

'Hanna' Trailer

2010-12-22T01:16:00.000-05:00

I've got to say, this looks pretty intriguing. It has a great cast and you can't go wrong with slapping a favorite in to do the soundtrack (Chemical Brothers).

Saorise Ronan plays a young girl who apparently lives in the woods with Eric Bana (not a bad deal for me, really) and there is some kind of switch which will bring Cate Blanchett and the authoratah their way if it's turned on. So, of course, she switches it on and the authoratah fly on down. Bana gets away but leaves the daughter behind looking scared and frightened. But, she apparently isn't scared and frightened and instead kills someone posing as Blanchett's character before escaping and causing a man-hunt.

Looks like she's some kind of mutant, or genetic freak, or what will most likely become a SyFy Channel movie if this one does well.

I would like to see this movie unless they release another trailer that makes it look shitty.

'The Wicker Man is Gone in 60 Ghost Riders'...

2010-11-13T23:55:00.000-05:00

AKA: Drive Angry.

As if I need to say anything more that what I typed above...Here is the description Apple provides for this "movie":

'In the newest 3D action-adventure from the director of MY BLOODY VALENTINE, DRIVE ANGRY stars Nicolas Cage as Milton, a hardened felon who has broken out of hell for one last chance at redemption. Intent on stopping a vicious cult who murdered his daughter, he has three days to stop them before they sacrifice her baby beneath a full moon. He's joined by Piper (Amber Heard) - a young, sexy waitress who liberates her ex-boyfriend's cherry-red muscle car in order to help Milton. Now, the two of them are hot on the trail of the deadly leader of the cult, Jonah King (Billy Burke), who believes it is his destiny to use the baby to unleash hell on earth. But the bloodthirsty cult is the least of Milton's problems. The police are after him too. And worse, an enigmatic killer known only as "The Accountant" - who has been sent by the Devil to retrieve Milton and deliver him back to hell. With wicked cunning and hypnotic savagery, the Accountant will relentlessly pursue Milton at high speed across the country until his mission is accomplished. Fueled by high octane and pure rage, Milton must use his anger to go beyond all human limits to avenge his daughter's murder, before his last chance at redemption is revoked.'

If you STILL need some kind of proof that this is a stupid waste of what I would have once called Celluloid, but now deem pixels, here's the trailer where we see Wickerman/Ghost Rider combine with Gone in 60 Seconds to make this...thing.

'The Pajama Game'

2010-11-13T23:41:00.000-05:00

I have Netflix and I love it. I've also been telling my mother that I would put a few Doris Day movies in my queue so she could watch some that are hard to find, or those which she just doesn't want to go and buy at this time. There are a few in the instant play section and the first one I saw was 'The Pajama Game' so I decided that, since I had nothing to do tonight, I would go ahead and watch it with her.

I trucked my XBOX on down, hooked it up, downloaded the 300 updates that have been released in the 6 months since I actually turned the damn thing on, and fired up the movie. Why, oh why, did I pick this movie to play? See, here's the thing about these movies: they are either really good or really bad. Even if they have a large amount of cheese, they can still be considered good if you get a laugh or two (at or with the film, it doesn't really matter sometimes). When they go rotten, they go rotten bad. This damn movie made NO freakin' sense.

It opens in a pajama factory and immediately the characters start dancing and singing before we are sort-of introduced to the leads (Day and some guy who resembles Cole Hauser). I shit you not, they almost instantly start singing about how in love with the other they are. I mean, 5 minutes in and they are almost walking down the aisle (My Dad, who decided to watch this movie with us, pointed out that they need to keep the train moving).

After what seemed like 90 minutes of singing, dancing and bad acting but was really just about 20 minutes of singing, dancing and bad acting, they fight because the workers are striking over a pay raise and Day breaks the line and gets fired by the dude-who-looks-like-Cole-Hauser, also her boyfriend, before more singing and dancing ensues which leads to Hauser-dude finding out the amount the workers want in a raise was added at some point in the books and they give them the raise they all want which leads to singing and dancing. The End.

There are some good songs that came out of this movie, like Hernando's Hideaway, but the majority of this movie is pretty much captured by the seemingly random babbling I typed above. Seriously.

'Hard Rain' Trailer

2010-09-07T17:31:00.000-04:00

My friend moved down to Austin and mentioned that it was raining a lot today, so I told him he should have a jet ski and if it comes to it, he can recreate this movie...

It's an oldie...but an oldie. I can't say goody, because let's be honest, if you've watched the movie or the trailer, you know what it is. Mostly nostalgic, humorous crap.

Sadly, I saw this in 1998 at the theatre. Best part? Jet ski chase through the elementary school. Honestly, the movie is about a town being flooded because, I suppose, a hard rain is a fallin'. Then two armored car guys get stuck and Morgan Freeman and his thugs, who want to rob the bank, or something, rob them too. Yet, Mr. Slater (not A.C.) has hidden the money and then becomes the prime suspect. Also, Randy Quaid is the sheriff (I'm the WHAT?). There's also a chase on jet skis. I couldn't find a clip of the ridiculous chase on aforementioned jet skis, but here is the trailer!

'My Soul to Take' Trailer

2010-08-19T00:29:00.000-04:00

Hmmm...it's almost, just almost, as if Wes Craven recently watched 'Scream', remembered it made a lot of money, watched some of his other movies, realized people also watched them, and then thought, "Let me mash them all together into one, giant, shitty piece of shit...and MAKE IT 3D!" Because that is what this movie looks and sounds like.

Pay no attention to the fact that the kid they show getting killed in the beginning is shown moments later when the group of idiot teenagers are standing in the woods, even though they insinuate that the kid died 100 years ago, or whatever the story is...I don't care.

Basically, they tell the whole story, little Jimmy has dreams, or something, of someone getting killed and then those people seem to have been killed. A bunch of idiots go into the woods on the very night Hobo John disappeared or something and they all start dying. But Hobo John might just might be the daddy of little Jimmy. Or little Jimmy might be the killer. Most likely, it's either his mother (SO original) or little Jimmy's sister, angry that Hobo John/Daddy never loved her.

That about sounds right. And IT'S IN 3D!

'Vanishing on 7th Street" trailer

2010-08-18T22:53:00.000-04:00

This was filmed in and around the Metro Detroit area, and sounds a lot like Pitch Black on Earth. Not that that means it will be bad, I really like Pitch Black.

The premise sounds like many, a man wakes up one morning to find everyone gone, their clothes, cars, planes scattered around where they stood, parked where they rolled and crashing from the sky. He finds a group of people in a bar and they all seem to realize that what's keeping them alive is the light. It's only 11am and it's pitch black outside. Where did the sun/day go? It appears there is "something" in the darkness and shadows. It kind of looks creepy, but chances are it'll end up like "Gothika"; a giant steaming pile of shit.

'Valhalla Rising' Trailer and clips

2010-08-03T19:38:00.000-04:00

Now this movie looks just beautiful! The production and cinematography is stunning.

Mads Mikkelsen plays One Eye, a warrior-slave with some kind of supernatural strength/power who gets the leg up on his captors, escapes and goes on a journey with his young boy companion. He meets up with some Vikings and joins them. That's about all I understand of this movie and I don't care because it looks beautiful. Also, I'm unsure why they all have Scottish accents, including the Vikings, but we'll let that slide.

Here are some trailers and clips:

-Ignore the English subtitles over the film where they are speaking English.

'Let Me In' Red Band Trailer

2010-08-03T18:55:00.000-04:00

I've been bitching about this remake (that no one asked for or needed) since I first heard about it. It's stupid and this trailer doesn't convince me otherwise.

'Let Me In' is a remake of the Swedish film/book Låt den rätte komma in. A book and film, that while different in some places, are perfect as they are. It got some attention as being great and some shithead thought, "Let's buy the rights and remake it!" So they did.

The rough story is that Oskar is a loner who constantly gets picked on at school. Then a little girl/boy (it's really difficult to tell in the original whether the little girl playing Eli is a girl or boy) named Eli moves in next door and they become friends. Unfortunately, people have been going missing or show up murdered and the attention of the authorities is getting closer and closer to the apartment building where Oskar and Eli live. It's tense, dark, scary. Everything that the remake appears to lack. Much like Den Osynlige, which changed the ending to a much happier ending.

Chloe Moretz, while awesome as Hit Girl and everything, does not in any way, shape or form look androgynous. She looks like a little girl. Lina Leandersson looked androgynous and I really spent most of the movie, before looking her up on imdb, wondering if it was a girl or boy playing Eli. She also looked like she smelled as bad as Oskar described her as smelling. Moretz looks like a girl, sounds like a girl, and based on what I've seen of the remake, looks like she smells like roses and cookies not death and blood. As far as Oskar/Owen go, I think Kodi Smit-Mcphee has that "loner, loser, weak-kid" look that Oskar had, so that might work.

They even changed the location to New Mexico. Why? Why change it from a cold, desolate town? You could have placed it in Maine, or North Dakota or freakin' Canada! But, New Mexico? Their names have been changed as well. Now they are Owen and Abby. Yeah...Abby. There's a real question as to the gender there.

Since I still have not seen a remake of a foreign movie that was as good, or better, than the original and I don't think this is going to be the one to do that either. Let us look at the "gem" that is the remake and the GEM that is the original:

There are several clips on Traileraddict.com and you can also watch the movie on Netflix. It's slow and not like American horror movies, but it's great.

'Sucker Punch' Trailer

2010-08-03T18:09:00.000-04:00

I don't really know what the hell this is about. Well, I do now because I read the description, but still.

Apparently set in the 1950's, the story is about some girl who is sent to a insane asylum and created this alternate reality where she plans to escape by stealing 5 objects. It sort of looks like 'Shutter Island meets Mortal Kombat'...or something.

It's a strange mash-up that could be good or bad. I don't know how to feel about it at this moment.

'Don't Be Afraid of the Dark' Teaser

2010-08-03T17:49:00.000-04:00

I wasn't sure about this at first because it's a black screen with a hissy voice talking about the dark and then a whole bunch of images of a mansion and people screaming, etc. When I saw Guillermo del Toro's name, however, I immediately perked up. I also perked up during the next scene when the little girl is crawling under the sheets, knowing what would be coming, and yet I still jumped when the thing jumped at her.

Also, Guy Pearce is in it.

'Drive Angry' IN 3D! trailer

2010-07-25T20:32:00.000-04:00

Oh look! ANOTHER 3D movie. This one has Nicolas Cage playing Ghost Rider minus the flaming skull, but with just as much, if not more, bad acting and hair.

And things ESPLODE! IN 3D!

Goodie!

'Priest' Trailer

2010-07-25T20:23:00.000-04:00

I am sick of everything being 3D. Sick.of.it!

That being said, this movie seems like it will either be good or very, very bad. If judged on the SFX alone, I'm going for very, very bad. I mean, what the hell kind of "vampires" are those? They look like some kind of leech mixed with a piranha twisted with a slug. I know we've pretty much exhausted the "vampire" genre and the various ways they can look, but come on!

On the maybe-good side, the story might be interesting. Paul Bettany plays a priest in a world that looks like a mish-mash of medieval Europe and the future. I think he also hunts those leech/piranha/slug/vampire things above. That's pretty much all I get from the trailer because it wasn't that good.

'Inception' Trailer

2010-06-20T21:53:00.000-04:00

I just saw this trailer today. I love everything about it. Not only is it directed and written by Christopher Nolan, who made the phenomenal movie 'Memento' (yes, and The Dark Knight), but it has a great cast.

You've got DiCaprio, Marion Cotillard, Ken Watanabe, Cilliam Murphy, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Tom Hardy. The story is awesome too.

I'm not entirely sure, but it sounds like DiCaprio plays a man who breaks into peoples dreams and steals their secrets. It sounds like there might be a corporation he works for and Gordon-Levitt is a dude who might be a bad apple. And DiCaprio sounds like he wants to get out of the business and find his way home to his lady. Whether this is a dream or not...who knows. I just know that it sounds awesome!

'Super 8' Trailer

2010-05-31T20:09:00.000-04:00

I like J.J. Abrams. I do not like aliens. I am guessing the 'IT' they are referring to may be an alien.

I still can not watch 'Communion' or 'Fire In the Sky'. I've been scarred for life and I wish I was kidding.

Still, since it's J.J. I bet it's going to be good and will have some great viral advertising and ARG.

'Tron Legacy' Trailer

2010-05-30T20:34:00.000-04:00

Alright, I will be the first to admit that when I heard they were making a sequel to Tron I scoffed. I scoffed with the best of them. And I kept scoffing.

I stopped scoffing when I saw this trailer because it looks pretty sweet. I like the look of the regular world, all muted and heavily contrasty. And then in the Tron world it's all blacks and bright colors and neon. I also like Garrett Hedlund and I really love his voice. He's got a Michael Wincott voice without a Michael Wincott face (that's not putting Wincott down, he isn't ugly. But he does have a kickass voice!).

I haven't seen the first Tron in a LONG time, so I should catch it again, but I have to say I am looking forward to this. Plus, you can't beat a good looking guy who wears a skin-tight spandex suit with neon lights well. And Hedlund does.

'The Last Exorcism' Trailer

2010-05-30T19:46:00.000-04:00

At first I thought: "Oh come on! Another one!" That was followed by: "From Producer Eli Roth? Alright, so it's torture porn."

Who asked for another exorcist? The original is not scary, it's kind of funny. The 92 remakes that came out just a few years ago weren't scary...they were stupid. So why was it necessary to make another Exorcist movie?

It's good to know that they are clearly trying to cash in on some of the [REC] goodness with their shitty horror movie.

[REC] 2 Trailer

2010-05-30T19:21:00.000-04:00

I thought this was going to be for the shitty American remake sequel, but it's for the Spanish one, so I calmed down.

It takes place 15 minutes after the ending of the first movie and follows the other side of the plastic sheet draped over the building. The first movie (the original...NOT the one where Jennifer Carpenter huffed and puffed throughout the whole movie) was incredibly good and scary. I don't know if it a sequel is warranted but I'll take it. It looks pretty scary.

True Blood Season 3 Clip Preview

2010-05-17T20:09:00.000-04:00

HBO has a new trailer up with clips from season 3 which starts June 16th, I think. I can't wait! You might have to sign in/register to watch this, but if you are a True Blood fan, just do it.

Let me break down the goings-on in the preview:

- Bill appears to be stumbling out of the darkness. What are you up to, Bill?

- My sexy Swede is telling Sookeh that she is blinded by her obsession with Bill and she'll get herself killed. Oh someone comes inside what appears to be Bill's house.

- James Frain, who isn't the most pretty to look at but has a kick-ass voice, comes into Merlotte's and asks Tara for a True Blood. Then they are having sex...but this is True Blood, so not a surprise!

- A hillbilly sticks a gun in Sam's face! Hey, hillbilly? Don't mess with that mans glorious mug!

- Sam tells a lady (his mom?) that they met 34 years ago. Oh and hillbilly says: Who is he, mamma?

- There's Jessica dragging a dead body into Bill's house. Guess she killed that trucker? Then she's asking Pam what to do with a dead body if she were to have killed someone.

- The Swede's back! He looks frightened and tells Sookeh to invite him in. Werewolves are looking for Sookeh! They have red eyes...always a good sign!

- Jason is still stupid and asks Sookeh if Big Foot is real too and also Santa.

- Bill wakes up with scratches all over his face and says to someone that you can't love humans without bringing suffering upon them. Then he's with whats-her-face from last season. The crazy one that he played pianoman with. Yeah, her!

- Franklin Mott (James Frain. I looked up who he was playing. Nice casting!) licks Tara and asks to know everything about Bill and Sookeh. Of course! This show is like watching porn, only you feel dirty and also strangely satisfied at how fun it is. At least that's how I feel. Plus, the Skarsgård. But, I digress!

- Jason and Andy are still skulking around looking guilty and burning papers at the stove.

- Sookeh tells Eric that they need to go to Jackson (Mississippi, I assume), but he says he can't and she shouldn't go alone. Then Alcide (NICE casting indeed!) comes along to help her. Seriously! MUCH better choice to play him then I imagined from the description in the books. I pictured not this! YUM!

- Alcide takes Sookeh to the werebar where people grab at her and some dude asks if his pack can do nothing right! Then it cuts to some dude on a horse pointing a gun at someone, who I now see on second glance is Alcide with no shirt on (look to the lower right).

- Then a wolf growls/snarls!

- Sam tells hillbilly that he doesn't appreciate him trying to get him killed as we see DogSam run in front of a truck.

- Flash of cuts where Sookeh says they took someone from her while there are shirtless dudes howling in a bar, Sookeh running, loading of guns. There's a flaming, screaming person, people with no clothes, no clothes, FANTASTIC. Sex, moaning, sex, moaning and then more sex/moaning. YAY!

- Last, but not least, is Bill telling Sookeh not to come find him. He doesn't want to be found. She cries.

I can't wait. I live for this to fill my summer! Also, the Swede.

Season 3 Clip Preview

True Blood Season 3 Mini-episodes

2010-04-27T19:50:00.000-04:00

Yes, yes it is time (almost) once again for another awesome summer filled with True Blood. It's the smut/funny/over-the-top/ridiculous fun I crave and it's my summer obsession.

Here is a little mini-ep featuring Eric (Hallaloojah's) and Pam auditioning dancers for their club, Fangtasia. They all suck badly, but the last one is special. Can't wait to see where this goes. Oh and Skarsgård breaks out the sexy Swedish.

Is it June 13th yet?

'Best Worst Movie' Trailer

2010-04-18T23:01:00.000-04:00

In 1989 one of the worst movies ever made, was made. It was called Troll 2. Unlike Troll it did not scare the shit out of me and make me afraid that trolls were going to come into my room at night and steal me away. Instead, it made me laugh my ass off.

Now there is a documentary about the cast and the fame the movie has as the so-called worst movie ever. It's such a bad movie, it's great. Unlike, say, Dragonball-Z, or 90% of the stuff that comes out which is bad and not at all humorous.

The funny part is that it really isn't Troll 2. There are no trolls in this movie. There is no Atreyu. There are in fact goblins, which appear to just be midgets in potato sacks and sweatpants with bad papier-mâché masks. It's glorious, simply glorious.

'Ondine' Trailer

2010-04-18T22:33:00.000-04:00

Ooh! A movie where Colin Farrell plays an Irishman. I've always been a bit of a fan of Farrell, even though he IS a bit of a man-whore in real life.

In this movie he plays an Irish fisherman who catches a woman in his net. She's not dead, but it's suggested that she may be a selkie. It's also suggested, by the appearance of a mysterious man, that she may have been running from someone. Either way, this movie looks pretty good. Beautiful scenery, good actors and what sounds like a pretty decent script and no animated/real life talking animals.

'Män som hatar kvinnor' (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo)...

2010-04-08T00:12:00.000-04:00

AKA another awesome Swedish/foreign movie that is soon to be remade in the US in a sub par manner.

This looks awesome. Here are some trailers/spots:

'Human Centipede' Trailer

2010-04-05T22:06:00.000-04:00

Alright...I would not recommend anyone actually viewing this trailer or movie unless you are a seriously sadistic fuck. I did because I had to bite the bullet for everyone else; you are welcome.

Seriously. Don't watch it. It takes the movie genre of 'Torture Porn' way past the point of gross and sick, but still somewhat enjoyable and goes straight to the worst sadistic shit you could imagine. It's gross.

Basically two American girls on vacation in Germany get a flat tire (they are REALLY bad actors too) and, of course, they are "horribly lost" and it's raining and they come across a house where a crazy German doctor lets them in. He then proceeds to make them into a human centipede. You don't need to know more, just assume it includes gross things that will make the audience wretch.

'Splice'

2010-04-05T21:56:00.000-04:00

Mamma like! This is something I heard about awhile ago and I'm glad it looks so creepy and weird and wrong!

Basically, some scientists cloned a human with something else and since it's illegal to clone humans and this isn't technically human, it's A-OK! Unfortunately the thing is growing rapidly and appears to be killing everything. It's also some kind of weird girl-gargoyle thingy. Ick and awesome!

Here's a clip!

A Movie We Never Asked For: A Remake of 'Death At A Funeral'

2010-04-03T23:57:00.000-04:00

Three short years ago a movie came out. It was called 'Death at a Funeral'. It was British. It was about a group of people in a family that come together for a funeral. Several things occur, such as the funeral parlor bringing the wrong body, the discovery the dad was gay and was with his long-time partner who also happens to be a midget, one of the family members with some anxiety issues accidentally being fed some mind-altering drugs instead of Valium...the list of things goes on and on. It's very funny, it has a great cast including Peter Dinklage, Alan Tudyk and Matthew MacFayden. It's got the funny British comedy and charm and Alan Tudyk 100% steals the movie. Here is the trailer:

Now...someone thought it was not only required to remake this movie, but make it in the style of a stupid Martin Lawrence/Tracy Morgan/Chris Rock vehicle wherein the above mentioned names play themselves. Oh and instead of Alan Tudyk we are given James Marsden as the unwilling drug-taker who stumbles around like a madman. The problem with this is that Marsden, while pretty to look at and an alright actor, is not Alan Tudyk. He isn't funny like Tudyk. He isn't charming like Tudyk. For God's sake, he isn't Tudyk. Also, I suspect he shall just be the "look at that stupid funny white boy" character. I also assume his wife/girlfriend will have to constantly defend why she's with this crazy white boy. Oh Dinklage, for some reason, is the only one in both movies, playing the same character. Here are the stupid things that go down in the "remake": The wrong body brought to the funeral is a Chinese man. Not funny, considering the original was a body that COULD have belonged to the family. This version it's just stupid. One woman gets smacked in the face by the mother. There are comments about a date being real young but her ass being in grad school...yes, that happens. There are some midget jokes too. Hahahaha...so unfunny all around. Yeah. Here is the retched trailer.

Terrible.

Considering the original is only three years old, I don't really know why it would be required to make a new one at all, let alone a version so markedly different, so obviously trying to be original and "fresh" while just seeming completely unnecessary.

The best of the 'The 48th Annual Ann Arbor Film Fest' This Animated Life night

2010-03-28T00:47:00.000-04:00

The other day I covered the best of the opening night. So tonight I am throwing out the best of what I watched Friday night at the animation portion called 'This Animated Life'.

Once again there were some really good movies and then there were some really bad and seriously hard to watch movies.

'Alma'
I saw this online awhile ago and thought it was just so creepy and weird and wonderful that when I saw it listed in the program for the festival I just HAD to go see it on the big screen. It is probably the best in terms of actually having a story and also being really professional in appearance. 'Alma' is about a little girl of the same name, who happens upon a toy store with a doll that looks just like her standing in the window. Upon closer inspection that doll moves further into the store...watch to see what happens.

'The Black Dog's Progress'
A short animated film told through multiple flip books that are both completely adorable and then, quickly, morph into incredibly disturbing. Makes you really feel for the little black dog.

'Please Say Something'
A collection of short episodes about the relationship between a cat and a mouse. The animation is really adorable, the sounds are precious and the subject matter is quite heavy at times.

'Horn Dog'
The really wrong tale of a dog that is in love with some other dog. It's very funny and, like I said, very wrong. Here is a clip since I didn't see the whole short online. Sorry.

The best of the 'The 48th Annual Ann Arbor Film Fest' opening night!

2010-03-24T17:00:00.004-04:00

I went to the opening night festivities of the Ann Arbor Film Festival last night. I've never been there before but since I'm all into this crap now and going to school for film, I figured I should go and see if I like it (next year I may get the festival pass). I did, even though several of the films shown were what I would call...awful.

The Ann Arbor Film Fest is an experimental film fest, so it makes sense that a lot of these films were, how do I say it delicately, mind-bendingly bad. But this post is about the best films from last night, not the worst...I'll get to that in time.

'El ataque de los robots de Nebulosa-5'
An absolutely charming little film about a man who, I believe, either gets drunk at his birthday party or has a fit of some kind, and has a vision of robots from Nebulosa-5 coming to him to inform him of their impending invasion. He tries to tell his mother and cousin about it, but they don't believe him. The neighbor and his brother sometimes come and make fun of him, but still he waits in the park next to his house where the dogs shit for the invastion to come.
The film is black and white, has some good looking shots, has a very distinctive lead actor and is very unique.

'Missed Aches'
Joanna Priestly's Flash animated short about spell-check errors is so funny and fresh. I laughed so hard at this and loved the cute little characters. Wish the whole thing was online.
Here's a preview:

'Photograph of Jesus'
This is one of the best of last night because it's so funny and so imaginative. It covers some weird requests for photos from the Hulton Archive/Getty Images collection. Requests like a photo of Jack the Ripper, Jesus, a yeti, etc...you know, things that no one has photos of. The film is animated with a voice over from a man who works in the archive and it's quite entertaining.

'Fantasy Suite'
Unfortunately this isn't online, at least I can't find it. This was seriously hilarious! Kent Lambert took footage from some crappy 80's movies and The Bachelor and melded them into some kind of humorous commentary on western heterosexual romance (got that from the A2 Film Fest book, since I couldn't describe it myself). He slowed down the clips from The Bachelor, making it really funny and also, somehow, making the show interesting to watch. It was great!
Here is Kent talking about the film last night:

FOX's 'Past Life' dies after 3 weeks.

2010-02-23T20:34:00.002-05:00

Yeah, FOX? I could have told you this wasn't a smart idea to buy this pilot and produce it. I knew it when I first saw the damn preview. A show about murdered souls being trapped inside the bodies of those currently alive, desperately trying to solve their murders, just sounded dumb.

It was dumb because it can't have a long run. I mean, really. Do the murdered souls just suddenly realize they are back in the bodies of the living? Why would this happen? It's like 'Cold Case' only really stupid.

Spend the money you might have saved on this show to pay for more 'Fringe' episodes. Do it now!

'Wall Street:Money Never Sleeps' Trailer

2010-02-23T20:00:00.004-05:00

Yeah, that's the name of the sequel to Wall Street. They should call it Wall Street: Hollywood Wastes Money on a Sequel No One Asked For. But they told me that the name was too long, so they went with Money Never Sleeps.

I never saw Wall Street because I do not like Oliver Stone movies (they put me to sleepy-land) and I don't think movies about Wall Street really intrigue me. I don't see the men/women on the trading floor waving their hands around and yelling as being an enticing box office draw to me...meaning it's boring as shit. So you can guess how excited I am about a sequel where Michael Douglas' character gets out of prison and I assume does whatever the hell it was he does. Sit around and talk in voice over, I think? And carry his gold money clip, with no money in it? That sounds about right.

And thankfully they show the entire movie in the full trailer, so no need to actually WATCH the stupid movie.

'Green Zone' Trailer

2010-02-23T19:44:00.003-05:00

What did I think when I first saw this trailer? Oh, another Bourne movie. I mean, it has Matt Damon. It has Paul Greengrass. It looks like the same movie. It MUST be a Bourne movie! But...it's not.

They seriously should have called this: The Bourne Parable: Green Zone. Because it's a damn Bourne movie!

'Terribly Happy' (Frygtelig lykkelig)

2010-02-23T17:36:00.003-05:00

What is one thing I love in the cinematic world? If you said David Lynch, you would be correct. Any movie that gives mention to being like a Lynch movie and is in a foreign language has my attention immediately. Basically the main character, a disgraced marshal, gets sent to this creepy little town filled with some weirdos. They use the local bog to cover up their dirty little secrets and he gets tangled up with a married woman who is beaten by her husband.

The first trailer looks like someone gets killed? I really don't know. But the second trailer just makes the whole movie looks incredibly weird so I can't wait to see it.

Trailer 1:

Trailer 2:

Clip:

'Killers' Trailer

2010-02-16T19:46:00.003-05:00

Isn't this the same movie as that one with Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz? Night and Day, I think it's called? It also looks just as awful as this one.

Katherine Heigl once again plays an incredibly unlikable character rather blandly and meets Ashton Kutcher, who I would believe as an FBI agent just about not at all, while on vacation alone...not alone, recently single...but not always single. He sweeps her off her bland feet but...ut-oh! he's got a "blank-to kill" from the blank-blank-blank. Eesh!

'Cop Out' Trailer

2010-02-16T19:38:00.004-05:00

First, this trailer is WAYY too long. Like 4 minutes too long. Second, it sounds like shit. Real shit. Bad shit. Why the hell is Bruce Willis in this? I know why Tracy Morgan is; it's because he's Tracy Morgan and he can't do anything else but play Tracy Morgan.

And they are so original to use Black Betty in there too. Fantastically awful. Do yourself a favor and don't waste the time even watching the trailer because it's an unfunny two and a half minutes of hell.

Blech!

LOST "LA X part.1" SPOILERS

2010-02-07T17:07:00.014-05:00

It's that time again...time for LOST to take up Tuesday evenings. It's the last season and will that mean we finally get to find out where/what the island is? Who/what the smoke monster is? What the hell is going on? I don't know, but there was plenty of WTF? going on this first episode of the season. It definitely is not the time to just casually sign on and watch the show. I've watched and followed the show and played the ARG's since the beginning and I was confused as shit.

-- Jack's on the plane and he's looking slightly confused. Is he confused because he was just on the island and now he's on the plane, way back at the beginning? Or because his drink isn't strong enough? Hmmm...

-- Ut-oh! The plane is starting to shake and rattle but this time...nothing happens. Bernard makes it back to the seat and doesn't get separated from Rose. Kate doesn't get away from the marshall, Charlie O.D.'s in the bathroom, etc.

-- Jack goes to the bathroom and discovers a small scratch/burn (?) on his neck. It wasn't there before. Is this from the island? Have they been transported back in time?

-- What the hell is Desmond doing on the plane? And he doesn't know Jack. So, if they went back in time and nothing on the island has happened, then shouldn't Jack at least recognize Desmond from his run-in with him that one time at the bleachers? Well, he recognizes the "Thanks, brother" part. Also, if they went back in time, wasn't Desmond already on the island? In the hatch? What the hell is going on?

-- Jack keeps staring at Des and he asks what's wrong? Jack asks if they know each other and Des says he doesn't know, but he introduces himself. Jack looks like he's confused again, but can't place why.

-- Jack looks out the window and the camera pans down to the ocean and goes under water. Oh look! It's the Darma Initiative camp...under water!

...

And there is our little Darma shark friend!

...

And the 3-toed statue/leg is underwater too!

So if Jack and the gang (Desmond included) never came to the island, the plan never landed and none of the events ever happened as we know them with these people, and the whole island is underwater, does that mean that nothing ever happened? And the island died with the Dharma Initiative? Or did the events occur with different people? Or are we still on diverging timelines?

-- Kate wakes up...in a tree! But, she's still on the island, which would obviously mean that the bomb-blast didn't work. Her hearing is all f'd up and she encounters Miles as she's wandering around the jungle. And there's a hatch. But it's the Swan hatch after Desmond blew it up. So, as Miles says, "I guess we're not in 1977". So they ended up back in the current time? Or at least after the hatch had been exploded. Jack and Sawyer are laying there in the grass too.

-- Sawyer is not real happy with Jack. The explosion was supposed to make it so none of this ever happened. But instead all it did was put them back where they started. And...back to the "Non-Plane-Crash" Timeline (NPCTL).

-- Jack goes back to the bathroom (Who is he? Me?) and runs into Kate coming out of the bathroom. They both look at each other like they sort of recognize each other, but don't really recognize each other.

-- The marshal gives Kate her meal back at their seats and Sawyer bumps into the marshal. He apologizes and he and Kate look at each other. Some dude is bothering Hurley about doing a voice from one of his Mr.Cluck's commericals...oh good, it's Arzt. So he's annoying no matter what the time line is? Awesome. Man, this guy is annoying. And now there is no chance of him blowing up via some old dynamite. Now he's asking how a guy like Hurley could become an owner of a major corporation. He says he won the lottery and that grabs the attention of Sawyer.

-- Sawyer says he shouldn't tell people he won the lottery because people will take advantage of him. Hurley says that it won't happen because nothing bad ever happens to him. So...in this time line Hurley still won the lottery but obviously the numbers didn't mean anything regarding the island and are not bad luck. He wasn't in Australia trying to discover their mystery. And he's loads more confident, at least it seems to be the case based on this smirk:

...oh Hurley, I still love you!

"Island Time Line" (ITL)

-- Sounds like Juliet is still alive. Though it shouldn't be possible because she shouldn't be at the bottom of the pile of metal in the blast whole. This blast hole was not where the atomic blast happened. But she's there, calling for help.

-- Hurley is trying to help Sayid and hears twigs cracking. Oh wonderful, it's Jacob. Yeah...the Jacob that Ben killed and Locke kicked into the fire. He needs to speak to Hurley.

NPCTL

-- Sun, who is with Jin and never got away from him. She's gazing longingly at Bernard and Rose. Jin asks why she's staring at them and she says they just seem so happy. His response is to tell her to button her sweater. Yeah...in this time line Jin is still an ass who can't speak English. Wonderful for Sun.

-- Locke is looking at a flight safety card when Boone tells him he's wasting his time. If the plane goes down in the ocean, they have zero chance of survival. Locke tells him that isn't true and rattles off some facts. Boone then asks why he was in Australia: Business or Pleasure? Locke says pleasure. And Boone says he went to get his sister out of a bad relationship that it turns out she didn't want out of. Locke elaborates on his trip and says he was there on a Walkabout. Turns out in this time line he went on the walkabout. Maybe he also isn't such a sad sap? Boone tells him that if the plane does go down, he's sticking with him. Nice, considering Locke got him killed in the original time line.

ITL

-- Locke picks up and cleans his knife while Ben stands staring at the fire. Locke tells Ben that he can stop staring at the fire because Jacob is gone.

Locke then tells Ben to go out and tell Richard that he wants to talk with him. Ben asks what he wants to talk to him about and Locke says it is between him and Richard.

-- Richard tells everyone that no one is going into the cave unless Jacob invites them. What's-her-face says that that is why they are hear...because Jacob invited them. Ben stumbles out and says that everything is fine but that John wants to talk to him. Richard drags Ben over to Locke's body and said that he'd be happy to talk to him but Ben needs to talk to him first. Apparently Ben didn't know that wasn't the real Locke? He really looks surprised.

Oh, I'm not entirely sure that this is taking place in the same time as the other island time line. This is LOST, so chances are...no.

-- So everyone is digging out Juliet but they can't get to her so Sawyer sends Jin off to the van to get chains. Hurley is with Jacob and they go back to the van. Jacob is looking at Sayid and looks concerned. Hurley is firing off questions and tells Jacob that he better answer because Jin will be back soon. Jacob says that Jin won't be able to see him because he died an hour ago. Classic Hurley line: Sorry dude, that sucks. He tells Hurley that he was killed by an old friend that tired of his company. Which I assume is whoever/whatever Locke is now?

-- Jacob tells Hurley that he needs to save Sayid. He has to take him to the temple and that Jin knows where it is. They will be safe there and he has to take the guitar case with him. Just then Jin comes running out of the woods. They go back to the hatch with the van and chains and Sawyer tells Kate that if Juliet dies he'll kill Jack.

NPCTL

-- Flight attendant-Other asks if there is a doctor on board the plane and that there is a passenger that went into the bathroom a half hour ago and isn't responding. Sayid appears and asks if he can help. He kicks the door in and they find Charlie in the bathroom not breathing. He has apparently swallowed a balloon of his little Virgin Mary drugs. So, this time line Charlie is still a junkie.

ITL

-- Sawyer and the gang get the junk free and he climbs down to Juliet. She tells him that she hit the bomb to let him go home and never have to come to this island. She says it didn't work; they're still on the island.

-- The people who brought dead-Locke back go into the cave and ask who Locke is and where Jacob is. He tells them that Jacob is dead and not to worry about him. He wants to talk about them. Something tells me that they shouldn't have come into the cave. This clearly isn't Locke. He tells them that if they are Jacob's bodyguards he has good news: Jacob burned up in the fire, so they can leave. The one guy stupidly shoots Locke and he disappears around a pole.

-- CLICKETY-CLICKETY-CLACKITY...here comes Smoke Monster! And he/it is not happy. He pretty much tears everyone up and kills them all. One of the guys pours some of that dirt that they found around Jacob's cabin and Smoke Monster can't get to him. What is this crap? And why does it keep the monster away? Oh yeah, it knocks the guy out of the circle and kills him.

-- Locke's back...but, wait. What? He tells Ben that he's sorry he had to see him like that? What the hell? This Locke is the Smoke Monster? Ben genuinely looks terrified of whatever this is. I love it!

-- Sawyer gets Juliet free and before she dies she says she has to tell him something really, really important. Josh Holloway has some lovely white teeth.

NPCTL

-- Charlie is getting arrested and tells Jack that he was supposed to die. Hmmm...yes. You were.

-- And...Desmond has disappeared. Where the hell did that sexy bastard get off to? Of course no one saw him.

-- Okay...maybe Non-Plane-Crash-Locke is still a sad sap. He's still in a wheelchair and that looks has Locke written all over it.

So what have we learned with the first part? Well, since it's LOST nothing is for sure, but it appears that there are two diverging time lines where they never crashed and I bet everything is going to fall to shit and then there is the time line where they set off the bomb but ended up at least in the same time period after Desmond blew up the Swan hatch. What will we learn next?

'When In Rome' Review

2010-01-30T21:14:00.004-05:00

Alright...let me preface this with the fact that I like Kristen Bell. I also like romantic comedies. Sure they are formulaic and there is nothing new to them. You watch them because...hell, I don't know why.

That being said, there are a few things that a romantic comedy requires in order to work. There needs to be two primary characters with chemistry. In this modern world that doesn't need to mean a man and a woman (see 'Imagine Me & You). However, those two characters need to have some kind of chemistry, otherwise the movie doesn't work. This is the case with 'When In Rome'. Kristen Bell and Josh Duhamel have ZERO chemistry. None what-so-ever. It's like watching two complete strangers awkwardly pretend to like each other; which is exactly what it is, except they are actors and it should look like they like each other, or at least have some kind of interest in each other.

A romantic comedy also must have a story. Let's look at a couple of examples: 'Never Been Kissed' (one of my favorites). Journalist Josie Geller is a dowdy, dateless woman who goes back to her high school to write about teenagers today (well, 1999-today). She ends up meeting a man, her teacher, who is her same age though he doesn't know this, and she falls for him. It's funny, witty, predicable but, entertaining. There is chemistry between Drew Barrymore and Michael Vartan. There is a story. It works. Another is 'Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day'. The story is moving, and funny and sweet: Mrs.Pettigrew, a governess, gets fired and sneaks her way into the home of Delysia LaFosse, who mistakes her for a new hire and she immediately whirls her into her glamorous life and many boyfriends. But, true to romantic comedy form there needs to be a coupling. This movie has two: Miss Pettigrew meets and falls in love with Joe, a ladies underthings designers and Delysia has to choose between her true love Michael and the man who gives her all she wants monetarily, Nick. The actors are believable and likable, there are two stories, Bharat Nalluri is a great director and the production design is fantastic.

So, what about 'When In Rome'? What didn't this movie have? It didn't have anything that a romantic comedy should have. I already mentioned the chemistry part, but it doesn't have a story, charm, appeal, emotion...anything. It's like an hour and a half of looking at a screen trying to count the pixels on the digital projection...from the back of the theatre. Seriously, that's what I was doing. People were laughing and I was trying to figure out why I was just sitting there, then I realized these were the same people who willingly paid to see Alvin and the Fucktards 2.

'When In Rome' is about Beth, a workaholic who can't keep a man because she loves her job too much. She even says, "When I find a man that I love more than my job..." She says something else too, but I honestly only paid attention when I wasn't counting pixels. What's her job? Well, she's a curator. Where? Apparently at the Guggenheim, but we don't learn this, unless you recognize it in the beginning, until later. Oh, they also use the exact same music tracks in the beginning of the movie that they used in the trailer; it's like the laziness never ended. She's at some kind of thing and her friends (an obligatory fat girl, skinny-odd girl and a male-gay) all tell her that her ex (the gorgeous and underused in everything, Lee Pace) is there. She goes into this long diatribe about how he wouldn't dare show up there, blah, blah, blah, until the three friends all stare drop-jawed at her and she says, "He's behind me isn't he?" Yes, that's never used in anything, so thanks for putting it in here. This never happens in real life; in real life a person that overheard something would either walk away or bust in and say, "Yeah, I can hear you!" Oh, and then the ex starts yakking about how he was wrong and wants to start new and...as she's assuming he means with her, he says, "I'm getting engaged!" Everyone assumes the two of them are and...you get it.

After this VERY brief idea of who this character is, and a brief realization that you don't give a shit who she is, and since you were given little to sympathize with her over, you know you don't care to learn anything else about her later (don't worry, you won't), now we meet her sister who just pops up at her apartment announcing she's getting married to some dude she met on that plane to Italy. BUT THE WEDDING IS IN TWO DAYS! And Beth has an important exhibition that Morticia Adams has put her in charge of! Oh Deary Me!

Boom! We're in Rome. No more character development, nothing. Just 'I need to go to Rome', a bitchy boss, and a cab ride showing the audience all the places in Rome everyone already knows about. She's the Maid of Honor and everyone is waiting for the Best Man. In rushes...(I have to look up his name, I honestly have no clue what it was. Ben? Chuck? Percy?) Nick. Everyone looks at him, his phone rings, he drops it, and drops it, and drops it and drops it and drops itanddropsitanddropsit! So many God-damned times that after the first forty-two times you get the freakin' point. They awkwardly glance at each other and then a bunch of scenes from the trailer (I'm not even kidding) take place. At some point (more trailer scenes) she ends up in the Fontana D'Amore, drunk, and starts gathering up coins. Every coin she picks up had a wish for love attached to it (more trailer scenes. They could have had something with this premise and I think this is where the original idea grew, but it just went off into the ether somewhere along the line.)therefore every persons coin she picked up falls in love with her. Of course they are all men, she must have been wading in the 'Men Only' part of the fountain.

More and more stupid shit happens that really had no point other than to annoy the crap out of the audience. All the dumb men chase her around and all the while she "falls in love" with Nick, though we don't see why or how or even care about either of them. We don't care about anyone in this movie. But the problem is that she thinks he threw a coin in the fountain and so he's not really in love with her. But how to know? Don't care. You know how it ends and in this movie, it doesn't matter, you just want it to end.

The one funny part of this movie was when they went to some kind of "lights-out" restaurant where you eat in the dark. Apparently this is a real thing, though lord knows why anyone would want to eat in complete darkness. Why is this funny? Well if you are a fan of 'Flight of the Conchords' you will recognize the weird waitress/hostess as Mel the obsessive fan of the two boys from New Zealand. That's the only good thing and it ends pretty quickly when, for some stupid reason, all the men following her show up at the restaurant with night-vision goggles to profess their love to her.

Oh, you get more pratfalls, like when Nick runs into a tree and falls into one of those open sidewalk grate things that are in New York. People actually laughed, though it wasn't in the least bit humorous; not even worth making fun of. Coming from me, that's bad... If you are going to use pratfalls, you have to use them wisely and make sure that the actor doing them can pull them off (Drew Barrymore getting hit in the face by the door, for example). Neither of these two can make them work. Sorry.

What else do you get? Oh, you get BAD dialogue. Some of the worst, cheesiest dialogue ever. Sappy, stupid looks and kissing that is so bland and WTF? in feeling that even the purest little soul could watch and think, "Twilight was hard-core porn compared to this!" The dumbest and most inane thing was having Pedro not only play John Heder's cameraman, talking like Pedro but playing Juan or something, but then for some reason, adding him, as Pedro from 'Napolean Dynamite', in the end dance-montage that no one asked for, nor believes. It was so stupid!

A movie that I find this bad (So bad I can't even bring myself to mock it) only comes along so often. It's been awhile. You might ask: What the hell happened here? How did this get through with no one bothering to say, "Let's shelve this one?" Who the hell directed this crap-fest? Well, in answer to that last one, Mark Steven Johnson, that's who. If you said, "Who?", well I'll make it easy for you: Dare-devil, Elektra and Ghostrider. 'Nuff said. He also had a hand in writing various parts of all that crap listed above.

In closing, let me state: I found this movie so inane, stupid and worthless as entertainment that I would have watched a quadruple-feature line-up including '2012', 'The Day After Tomorrow', 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' and any of the 45 various 'Ice Age's, 'Shrek's or 'Saw's; and for note: I pretty much hate all of those things.

'Alone in the Dark II' Yeah, there WAS a I

2010-01-25T01:17:00.002-05:00

Who remembers there was a 1? No one? That's what I thought.

While I am being cheeky, I will say that I did see the first one because I think I may have gone brain-dead; or I became brain-dead as a result of watching the first one, I don't know. It was Uwe Boll, so I tend to get confused because his movies are shit.

Anyway, the first one had Christian Slater, Tara Reid and some other people stumbling around in a badly acted, badly written, badly directed box-office flop. In theory it should have made sense: It was a well known and well liked franchise. But the cast and Uwe Boll made it obvious it was shite.
See for yourself:

Well, don't worry! Some retards plopped money down to make a sequel that really makes less sense than the one Uwe made...if that could be possible! It has a lower budget, a lesser cast and dumber story. Plus, it's straight to video! Check out the crap below!

But if I could be serious for just a moment: Nothing could ever topple the rage and anger I felt playing the stupid Alone in the Dark video game on the Nintendo Wii! That dumb character wouldn't jump when he was supposed to and the controls were so aggravating I felt like stabbing a hobo right then and there. The Irish/Russian rage was building so much that my living room was lucky I wasn't drinking or Hulk would've gone "smashy-smashy". No one should spend life after life trying to get the retard to jump to an area that he wasn't supposed to go just to find out that I had to turn to the left. Nor should they spend life after life trying to climb up a damn building on a rope because the stupid Wii remote wouldn't respond quick enough. Holy Hell-fire, I don't know what is worse: The Alone in the Dark movies or the video game? (I know the answer: the movies...it's Uwe Boll, for God's sake, nothing is worse [except maybe Emmerich])

'Cyrus' Trailer

2010-01-25T00:56:00.003-05:00

On the one hand this looks kind of funny. On the other, these people are all playing themselves. Jonah Hill is playing that awkward, weird, fat kid while John C. Reilly is playing that border-line retarded character he's been knocking out in his last several films. Catherine Keener is playing that bitchy ex-wife with the big laugh, yeah, the same one from 'The Soloist'.

But at least it isn't talking chipmunks animated around Earl and the sexy Zachary Levi. At least there's that.

The low-down is thus: Reilly is what appears to be socially awkward and soon to be divorced from his wife. He meets Tomei and they start to date. She's perfect but she has a grown son (Hill) who hates Reilly. It kind of sounds like 'Stepbrothers' sans Will Ferrell and with a son instead of a stepbrother.

Doctor Who 'Silence in the Library' and 'Forest of the Dead'

2010-01-19T19:57:00.004-05:00

I started watching Doctor Who about a month or so ago after watching 'Planet of the Dead' one evening on BBC America and I completely fell in love with it. It's weird because I LOVE Torchwood and never got into Doctor Who and now David Tennant is through with his run. And I can't sing the praises of David Tennant enough. He's charming as all get out on Doctor Who, but he's incredibly charming in real life. To quote him regarding Billie Piper, he's "buttered many parnsips" as far as I'm concerned. Does that even make sense? I don't care, he's awesome. So I'm sad because I'm watching episodes with him and it's the end, when the show comes back he won't be on it. I also plan on covering the best episodes of the entire series after I'm completely through

Anyway, on to what this post is originally for, the show and not gushing over David Tennant. I arrived at the season 4 episodes 'Silence in the Library' and 'Forest of the Dead' last night and today. And my stars, these two are two of the best episodes I've ever seen. There may be spoilers coming, so...

In the very beginning, pre-titles, we see a little girl in a library who is crying about people trying to get into her library and as the doors bust open we see the Doctor and Donna.

The Doctor and Donna (I love Catherine Tate on this show, by the way, she is so funny) arrive on a planet that is a giant library. There is no one else on the planet, no one. But there is a giant computer at the center of the planet and it shows that there are 1 million million lifeforms on the planet and 4,000 some-odd number of people saved. This intrigues the Doctor and Donna and soon they come across a statue with a living face (they are a type of computer-human interface device for the planet/library) that tells them that there is one message to be shared. The message says that they have to run, that something is coming and to run. So they run. And end up finding out that the shadows are what needs to be feared.

But this episode isn't that simple. There is another storyline weaved throughout and that is what makes this episode so incredibly awesome. As the Doctor and Donna are trying to figure out how to get out of the room they are in, the doors open and 5 people come busting in. One of the women, River, says that she knows the Doctor but he clearly doesn't remember her. She says she knows so much about him. She even has a sonic screwdriver that he gave her, but he doesn't get why he would have given her his screwdriver. She tells him that that is a spoiler.

As they are all now trying to figure out how to get out of the room, they find out that the shadows are eating people and the Doctor tells them that they are called Vashta Narada and they live in the shadows and take people. They are on every planet, but live in the forests and usually don't cause mass harm. You can see them in the dust in the sunshine. The Vashta Narada start killing the people and they find out that the reason they are on this planet is that they came from here. When further questioned the Doctor finds out that they weren't brought here, and weren't already here, but were in fact in the paper that the books were made from. The entire library is their forest and they want it back and the people are their meat. The Doctor sends Donna off to the TARDIS, but on the way she gets "saved".

Donna appears in this other world where a mysterious man, Dr. Moon (the kick-ass Colin Salmon, who I think should be a future Bond), talks to her at CAL (a hospital it is assumed) and tells her, even though she seems to forget things and keeps talking about a Doctor and a library, that she is recovering well. She meets a man who stutters, they date, get married and have children all within seconds. Later she gets a letter from a woman to meet her the next day and they meet in the park. The woman tells her that it is all fake and that all the children are the same; it's all fake.

Meanwhile, the Doctor finds out the the computer at the middle of the planet had literally "saved" everyone to the hard drive when the Vashta Narada came. It had nowhere to take them so that's where it put them. But, the little girl, who keeps hearing things and seeing the Doctor and Donna on the TV, throws her remote to the ground causing an alarm to go off in the library setting the computer self-destruct countdown on. The Doctor decides that if he can get the computer to shut down and reboot, he can get everyone out. But he has to hook himself up to free the computer's memory. Oh yeah, the computer IS the little girl. She's hooked up to it. Dr. Moon is the fake moon set up to monitor the library and protect it. So yeah, anyway, River knocks the Doctor out and hooks herself up. She handcuffs the Doctor and when he wakes he asks her who she is and how she knew his name (she whispered something to him earlier to prove that she can be trusted) because there is only one person and reason why someone would know that. She hooks herself up and saves everyone, killing herself in the process.

In the end the Doctor, who questioned why he would give someone his screwdriver and realizes that he did it in the future to save her now. Another paradox and I love it!

This episode is presumably setting up some future goings-on since River mentions that he shows up at her doorway with a new haircut and suit. No one spoil it for me if you've already seen anything related to this. She knows his name and knows him intimately in the future and that is intriguing. The episode is creepy, scary, sad, heart-wrenching and funny. Stephen Moffet is really one of their best writers and I look forward to him being at the helm of Doctor Who.

Here's a clip from the episode.

'Repo Men' Trailer

2010-01-19T15:16:00.002-05:00

I would like to see this. Here we have some kind of dystopic world where people get organ transplants from some organization that will come repo your organs if you don't pay. Jude Law plays one of those repo-men and he's the best in the business. After he suffers a cardiac arrest while on a repo he is fitted with the latest heart from the organization and has to pay back a bill. Only problem is that he isn't good at his job anymore and I believe takes off on the run. Now his former employers are after him to repo the heart and he starts to fight back.

It looks bloody and fun and who the hell can resist Jude Law? I don't care if he's a bit of a man-whore...he sure is hot to look at and listen to.

'MacGruber' Trailer

2010-01-19T14:59:00.002-05:00

I'll admit I was one of the first to poo-poo this trailer. Admittedly this is one of the few funny characters still on SNL. There aren't many. But it should only work for the few minutes on the show, yet this trailer is pretty funny without giving too much away.

I also love Will Forte and find him very funny, so I'll probably see this barring any further evidence of it sucking.

Here's some other MacGruber shorts:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUxxI28zhNc

'True Blood' Season 3: Back in Production

2010-01-12T18:02:00.002-05:00

Welp...it's back in production! My favorite thing to do in the summer (True Blood recaps) is just months away! I can't wait!

'Furry Vengeance' trailer

2010-01-11T22:57:00.003-05:00

In lieu of discussion over the trailer, we will be having a memorial for the blog writer:

Barb Morrissey
1980-2010
Died after watching the trailer for 'Furry Vengeance'.
Her extreme dislike of talking animals, anthropomorphized to rise up against humans, was elevated too high and she sighed so loud her heart exploded.

'The Karate Kid' trailer

2010-01-11T22:40:00.002-05:00

What a stupid load of shit! Dear God, why? Why?

Because I think this little Smith looks like a girl and can't act, I'm calling him 'Nepotism' from now one instead of his given name of 'whatever-the-hell-it-is.

So...Nepotism and his family move, for some unknown and stupid reason, to Beijing. Then he gets picked on. So then Jackie Chan teaches him to take his coat on and off and he joins the 'Kung-Fu Dumpling Gang'. That pretty much sums up this collection of tripe starring nepotism and the murdering of my childhood memories.

'Frozen' trailer

2010-01-11T22:09:00.003-05:00

Ok, before I even watch this trailer, it sounds a lot like 'Open Water' only on the ski lifts.

Here's a rundown pre-trailer watching. Three snowboarders get left on the ski lift and the ski patrol turns off the lights and lift until the following weekend. They start getting hypothermia and I start getting angry over the fact that there is NO WAY a ski resort would leave passengers stranded on the ski lifts. Even if they are closed until the next weekend, they would have security or something on the resort so that people don't come and ride down the mountains while they are closed.

Let's see if I start getting angry while I watch the trailer:

- "14 Miles up...dangling from a lift...no one can hear you freeze"

- I bet at the end they unstrap their coats and plummet into the waiting mouths of the sharks below.

- Actual words on the screen: "Will do for skiing what JAWS did for swimming". Oh dear God!

-Why the fuck would wolves be running around under them? That would seem like a little bit of a tough meal to wait for. I mean, they'd be better off going and finding a deer, or something over three moronic humans on a ski lift dangling from the line.

- Oh sweet merciful crap! Here are the last things that flash by: At least one person getting nom-nom'd on by at least one wolf. One of them (probably the nom-nom one) jumping from the lift. First legs out, then legs straight down until a sickening celery-stalk crunch rings out no doubt. And the girl one getting her bare hand frozen to the ski lift.

This is probably going to be one of the dumbest movies of 2010. And that tagline I made up better not get stolen by the studio. I'm copywriting that bitch!

'Night and Day' trailer

2010-01-11T21:56:00.002-05:00

Not being a huge fan of Tom Cruise or Cameron Diaz, I have to say this at least looks mildly entertaining. Can we just not see Diaz jiggle in underwear?

Diaz' character basically gets caught up with Cruises character after she runs into him in the airport. Then, he kills everyone on board while she's in the bathroom. The plane crashes, she tells Marc Blucas that she was on the plane and he assumes that she is just jealous her sister is getting married. Cruise comes in and steals her away.

She also screams a lot.

NOOOOOO STOP IT! STOP IT NOW!

2010-01-06T02:19:00.002-05:00

Now we get an American remake for 'El Orfanato'. Why? Because no studio has original ideas and the original ideas out there are not accepted by studios. So, instead, we get this. An English, American version of 'El Orfanato'.

In case you've never seen the original movie, I highly recommend it. It's creepy, scary, sad and wonderful and definitely NOT needed as a remake. Really if you can manage to bring yourself to read the subtitles, you'll be happy. It's not that hard. Or learn Spanish, either/or.

I've said this before regarding American remakes, there is nothing wrong with the originals. Remaking them is like saying the originals aren't good enough, or that because they are foreign they need to be made "right". This may be a wrong thought, but to me this is what it sounds like. I wonder if it's the thought that foreigners think when they read Americans are remaking their already great movies? Another reason they aren't needed is that in some cases, like 'Den Osynlige' ('The Invisible'), they remake them pretty much like the original and yet, somehow, manage to make them blah...And they change the ending to make it "happy". The whole damn movie is depressing, yet, let's make it a heart-felt, "American" ending.

'Re-Wire' trailer

2009-12-21T19:57:00.004-05:00

"This machine will re-wire you. Make you normal" I bet it doesn't make him normal. Not normal at all. In fact, I bet shit starts to fall apart and, guessing by the growl at the end, maybe creates more fear than it takes away.

Thanks io9.com for pointing me at these things today!

Re-Wire (2009) Trailer from David Fernandes on Vimeo.

'Alma' animated short is CREEEEPY!

2009-12-21T19:42:00.002-05:00

Think dolls come to life and wander around at night? Scared of being in a toy store at night by yourself? Then this is the animated short for you!

Watch as cute little Alma encounters a store with a doll that looks just like her. And then see what happens to her! It's creepy, original and awesome and all in a few minutes.

It's the perfect treat to watch after getting all pissed off from watching 'Dogs vs. Cats'.

Alma from Rodrigo Blaas on Vimeo.

'Cats vs. Dogs: Revenge of dumb talking animals'

2009-12-21T19:32:00.002-05:00

I hate these movies. I hate animated, talking animals. What do I hate MORE than animates talking animals? Why, I hate REAL animals that are animated to talk, that's what. I think drug references, and Bond references and trying to cover up the fact they wanted to call it 'Revenge of Pussy Galore' but most likely couldn't get it past censors, is stupid. It's dumb. And making kids want to go see the "cute little animals" (that aren't cute when made to talk and move their mouths) so their parents have to sit through 80 to 90 minutes of mind-numbing stupidity, is stupid.

The entire premise of this movie, which I've since learned is a sequel, is that this ugly cat is trying to get revenge and dressed up like a puppy and infiltrated some house and now all the cats and dogs have to save the world, or some garbage.

Why does this anger me so? Because after a year of some really good kids' movies (UP, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs), 2010 gives us this tripe. And it's tripe people will go see and then they'll make more tripe from a different animal, if you like the metaphor.

'Alice in Wonderland' Trailer

2009-12-21T19:29:00.002-05:00

Will I see this? Yes. Why? Because Tim Burton movies are visually stunning, always, even if they are nothing else.

Are there any surprises with this movie? Probably not. We all know the story. But, maybe they'll make it more like the original story. Who knows? All I know is that my eye balls like what they see. Weird, crazy. colorful worlds of strange. Exactly how I like my Tim Burton.

'Robin Hood' Trailer

2009-12-21T19:25:00.002-05:00

I have always preferred my Scott to be Ridley over Tony. Why? Blade Runner, that's why.

Anyway, here is the trailer for the Russell Crowe starring 'Robin Hood' movie. Looks kinda awesome, but then again most everything Ridley does is awesome in some manner. So...here you go.

If we work hard enough...we CAN succeed!

2009-12-17T19:41:00.002-05:00

Alright, I've said it before. If you stop going to see crappy movies, they will stop making them. Case in point: Some awful movie with Robin Williams was scrapped by Disney after Old Dogs performed horribly bad. This is something I could have told them before wasting money on it, but whatever. Now, news rolls in that the sequel to Wild Hogs, Wild Hogs 2: Bachelor Ride (yeah...that was the name), has been scrapped as well.

Now, let's give it a go with movies like 'Chipmunks 2: Electric Boogaloo' or whatever the abomination with chipmunks that talk, go to school and hit on human woman is. This should be the mission of all parents and singles out there. We can't do this alone. Lie to your children and tell them the movie is sold out, not out yet, you missed it; whatever it takes to stop them from making live-action/CGI-talking animal movies. If we try hard enough maybe we can stop the Marmaduke movie I just saw a poster for last weekend.

I'd say to try to stop Roland Emmerich movies, but even though I hate his movies, I have to say...without them my masterpiece Code Name: Rainbow Brite couldn't have been a reality.

I Watch Stuff

"That Evening Sun" Trailer

2009-12-10T16:22:00.003-05:00

I was transcribing a show today and I came across this movie being highlighted. It.looks.awesome!

It's about an 80 some year old man who was put in an old folks home where he felt he was rotting away. He feels that if you died in your sleep they'd just roll you over and put someone else in your place, so he leaves. He goes back to his house and finds a family of white trash folks living there. They rented the house from the old man's son. But, the old man isn't giving up on the house and farm since he wants it. The father/husband of the white trash family wants him to leave and also appears to beat his daughter with a hose. Things seem to go downhill from there.

I really want to see this movie and I hope it gets wider release when it finally comes out.

Check out the trailers below. I have nothing funny to say about this movie, it plain looks awesome!

'Sorcerer's Apprentice' Trailer

2009-12-09T17:52:00.002-05:00

Look! It's Nic Cage playing Nic Cage as a sorcerer in a stupid wig! I can tell it's Nic Cage because they character completely lacks any and all emotion whilst delivering his "lines".

The worst part of this trailer, which doesn't seem THAT bad overall, is the car that morphs from a beautiful classic car into a beautiful new car and then, for some reason, flips/jumps in a disjointed manner through a mirror that is placed in the middle of the road...on purpose and badly flips back on four wheels. Is it alive? Because it's behaving in a manner that would suggest it's alive. Also, the animation looked like shit.

Kids In the Hall 'Death Comes To Town' trailer

2009-12-09T17:10:00.002-05:00

Holy crap! I haven't posted anything for no one but me to read for awhile. Now that my trailer for class is done, and I can throw it on here later, I can return to posting.

What a wonderful treat for everyone: The Kids In the Hall trailer for their 8-part series, 'Death Comes To Town'. If you are unfamiliar with The Kids In the Hall, I recommend you find some way to get to know them. May I recommend 'Brain Candy'? Because I am, and you should watch it and laugh.

This is a glorious treat for everyone!

Kids in the Hall: Death Comes to Town - watch more funny videos

'Transforminators' trailer mash-up

2009-11-24T23:18:00.002-05:00

A really well done (it is by the Black20 guys) trailer mashup. Mixes Transformers, Terminator (Salvation and T2) and American Psycho (for a couple frames). I should have known the minutes the voices were so well done that Black20 was behind it.

I'm going to do a little feature on them when I am not so incredibly busy I have no time to waste on video games and movies.

'Matrix' Trinity Help scene with LEGO's!

2009-11-24T23:12:00.001-05:00

Here's a little video of the bullet dodge scene from The Matrix. It took them 440 hours to make. I think I spent that much time playing Fallout 3. I believe we both accomplished a lot (I didn't accomplish anything).

Good going guys!

'Leap Year' Trailer

2009-11-14T21:12:00.003-05:00

I was ready to massacre this one, but I think it looks kinds cute in that chick-flick way. In that, "She better choose the hotter "Irish" guy at the end after she finds out her boyfriend was cheating on her" way. If that doesn't happen it will be like the Sex and the City movie where there is no way in hell she should have ended up with the dude who left her at the altar. Plus, Matthew Goode is hot and even though he isn't Irish, I think I buy him as Irish.

The movie is about a woman who flies to Dublin to propose to her boyfriend following a tradition where women propose on leap year, or something. But her plans are put off course and she lands in Wales and meets Goode's character, an innkeeper, who agrees to drive her to Dublin to meet her boyfriend. A whole bunch of shit happens in typical chick-flick fashion, but who cares.

'Clash of the Titans' Teaser

2009-11-14T20:42:00.002-05:00

I should only have to say two words to make this a convincing draw: Sam. And Worthington. I don't care what he wears, when or what he's doing. I will go see it. It's kind of like Alex Skarsgård and me. He can do anything and I'll watch it. That goes for The Worthington.

In this movie it looks like some Titans clash. It looks pretty cool, but could be awful. I'll see it anyway...because of The Worthington.

'Salt' Trailer

2009-11-14T19:54:00.003-05:00

Finally, a trailer for a movie that looks good. It has one of my favorites: Chiwetel Ejiofor...with an American accent. Also an Angelina Jolie playing a character I am intrigued by.

She plays Evelyn Salt, a CIA officer who is called in to question a walk-in, Vasiley something-or-other. He says that he has some information on an operative that is coming to kill the president. She asks him who he is and when they tell her he doesn't exist, she tells him he is good and gets up to leave telling him that he can explain it all to one of her co-workers. At which point he tells her that the name of the Russian spy is Evelyn Salt. She then takes off and supposedly tries to save her family from the government who are after her now for being said spy.

It looks awesome and I hope there's that moment where we find out she really is a spy and was supposed to kill the president but this dude fucked it all up.

'The Slammin' Salmon' Trailer

2009-11-14T19:29:00.002-05:00

I'm sure like most of their movies, this is going to be funnier than the trailer makes it sound. At least I hope so, because this looks awful based on the trailer alone.
The basic idea is that Michael Clarke Duncan plays an old boxer that opens a restaurant full of idiots for employees. He then offers them a bunch of money for doing something.

'Kick-Ass' Trailer

2009-11-14T19:19:00.002-05:00

I don't know about this one...They aren't superheroes because they don't have powers, but they are pretending to be superheroes and they have powers? I don't know, seems like unless they fail miserably at every take-down, I might think this is stupid. That and it looks stupid.

3 Reasons You Should Start Watching 'Supernatural' Last Week

2009-11-08T23:02:00.003-05:00

I love Supernatural, that isn't new. I've been watching since midway through the first season. It's a lovely blend of scary and funny. It has a mythology that runs throughout some stand-alone episodes. It is acted brilliantly and it has two lovely lead actors. What's not to like?

If you are unfamiliar with the show, I recommend you go buy the previous seasons and then start watching them. I may go back and highlight some of the best episodes later, but for now...now feast your eyes on some scenes from last week's brilliantly hilarious episode, "Changing Channels". The boys get sucked into "TV Land" and hi-jinks ensue and unlike most times I say "hi-jinks ensue", I really mean it this time.

"Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time" Trailer

2009-11-02T21:10:00.002-05:00

Didn't think I'd actually say, "It looks good", but it doesn't look that bad. I still don't get Jake Gyllenhaal being the Prince of Persia, but at least they appear to have placed the movie back in the day. I would have suggested either Sendhil Ramamurthy or Naveen Andrews.

And at least they look like the game, however, they should have, I don't know...Arabian accents. Why do they always have British accents? If they had been conquered by Brits, then yeah...but they weren't.

New 'Shutter Island' trailer

2009-10-30T22:42:00.002-04:00

I've said it once and I'll say it again...you want my attention all you need is an insane asylum, a time period somewhere between 1920's-1960's, and a good story and I am hooked. I'm pumped about this movie, but I don't want to wait until February since I will be busy with playing Bioshock 2.

I think if they'll stay on the books' story I will be happy. Do it for me, Scorcese! Do it for ME!

If you haven't read the book, go and read it. It's a great, creepy, quick, twist-ending read.

Shutter Island - Exclusive Trailer

New 'Avatar' trailer that makes you say YAY instead of Say What?

2009-10-29T19:55:00.002-04:00

A couple months ago they rolled out a teaser trailer for 'Avatar' that, while interesting, made you think more like, "What the hell is this movie about?" instead of "I can't wait to see this".

Many pointed out that the teaser pretty much looked like a longer, higher budget, 3D version of Delgo...not a good thing. I haven't seen 'Delgo' but it looked pretty awful. After seeing the teaser for 'Avatar' I also had no desire to sit in a theatre for 3 hours and watch 'Delgo' play out in 3D by the hand of James Cameron.*

See:

There also just isn't enough Sam Worthington for my liking.

Then the NEW polished, fresh trailer came out. I saw it yesterday and I was blown away. It looks epic, original(ish) fresh, fun, colorful and there was more Sam Worthington than you can shake a stick at. It also gave you an idea of what the movie is actually about. Let's watch it first:

K...here's the low-down. Humans find this planet where there is some kind of ore that sells for a shitload of dollar signs (or lbs sterling...whatever currency you like). Unfortunately, as so often happens to use poor humans, the planet is already full of lifeforms that aren't us. One of which happens to be a sentient race called the Navi. The humans decide they want to get rid of the Navi but they are hard to kill off. Sigourney Weaver appears to be there to find a diplomatic way to solve the issue, but of course, the Marines are there to NOT do that. This is where my Australian love (along with Guy...don't worry) Sam Worthington (Sully)comes in. He is a paralyzed former-Marine who was told that if he takes part in this experimental procedure to make an avatar out of human and Navi DNA then, I am only guessing here, they can infiltrate the Navi and get rid of them. The Worthington seriously has never looked better than he does at 2:25/2:26...
Sully starts to realize that these aren't just some random life form that humans should get rid of and decides to try to stop the head Marine with the scars on his face/head. He's the baddy. Sully and sadly, Michelle Rodriguez, are now on the side of the Navi where an epic battle will play out to keep the humans from killing off the alien life forms for their own gain (not that it will work, because this is what humans do: We try to kill things because they have what we want...'tis the human way...)

*In all fairness, 'Delgo' had to have been copied from 'Avatar' as ol' Jimmy has been working on it for 10 years.

'Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans' Trailer

2009-10-23T20:28:00.003-04:00

I'm not sure why there is a recent desire, nay, need to name every movie with 42 different words. Is 'Bad Lieutenant' not good enough? It must have the Port of New Orleans? Is the reason New Orleans is there because we want to make sure everyone knows it takes place/was filmed in New Orleans? Because if that was the case, just name it Port of New Orleans.

I do think it might be okay to see. Yes Nicolas Cage continues to play a variation of Nicolas Cage. That would be "Crazy Eyes"-Cage.

Next up: Half-way Decent Laundry Cleaner: Angel of New-South Hamptom Wales New Zealand Key Largo-East.

'The Men Who Stare At Goats' Feature Trailer

2009-10-23T19:45:00.003-04:00

Another trailer for this movie with the long name. It still looks funny as shit. Check out the spot where Jeff Bridges appears to be skipping around like a hippie. Straight up funny!

'Sherlock Holmes' Trailer B

2009-10-23T19:36:00.001-04:00

Still looks entertaining and Robert Downey Jr. still looks hot. Not being a drug addict looks good on him!

'The Spy Next Door' Trailer

2009-10-17T21:38:00.003-04:00

Oh look! It's a play on words. See...instead of the GUY next door, it's the SPY next door! SOOOO clever!

Well, it's also 'The Pacifier' but with Jackie Chan making an ass of himself instead of Vin Diesel making an ass of himself.

Here's the rundown of this abysmal piece of crap: Jackie Chan is the neighbor to some brats. The mom of the brats asks him to watch the kids. Hilarity is supposed to ensue, but instead we get the typical antics: The kids hate neighbor Chan, he tries to make breakfast but instead burns stuff and somehow makes oatmeal into a giant brick stuck on a fork, he feeds a pig some bacon in a sequence that is really nasty and not at all funny (why does everyone have to have a pig as a pet?), he flips a little girl end-over-end and she lands in her clothes. Yeah. Oh, and let's not forget that he's really a spy on loan to the CIA and he has to stop, Home Alone-style, a bunch of baddies who, for some reason, are attacking him in his neighbors house.

This is so bad, and such a mish-mash of about 10,000 other movies of greater or lesser (let's be honest, even the worst of the movies this one is borrowing from have to be better) that I just can't even fathom how this got Green Lit. How? Was there NO other script laying around that maybe was original?
My problem with movies of this ilk are that they are assuming that the audience is stupid and will gladly watch whatever tripe plopped in front of them. In some cases (like most of the audience that I encountered today), they are happy to literally watch whatever crap you tell them to watch. But please demand better for your children and for yourselves. This movie is BAD!

Movie You Should See: 'L.A. Confidential'

2009-10-13T19:34:00.002-04:00

I think there are about three people who haven't seen this movie, if you are one of them you should get yourself a copy immediately and watch it.

It not only was a launching vehicle for the careers of Guy Pearce (Who I love!) and Russell Crowe, but it also has that other adorable Australian, Simon Baker. He's only in it for a few scenes, but he's there.

L.A. Confidential is, like most of the books by the incredibly talented writer James Ellroy, a sweeping tale of several crimes and the three cops that have to work together (or apart) to solve them. It also has an incredible "Holy shit! I didn't see that coming" moment.

Just go rent it.

'Shutter Island' Feature Trailer

2009-10-09T21:08:00.002-04:00

I don't know why we aren't getting this until February, there must be too many important talking, animated animal movies due out between now and then.

The book by Dennis Lehane was a good read and was incredibly statisfying, so I really hope this will be a lot like the book. From what I've seen just in the teaser and trailer, it seems to fit in with the book barring some scenes. There are also some incredible shots and it just looks gorgeous. I can't wait!

Cast of 'Predator' remake, say it ain't so...

2009-10-08T00:20:00.005-04:00

I'm sorry...but Adrian Brody and Topher Grace in the unnecessary and un-asked for "remake" of Predator? This is seriously a joke right? It can't be true.

How can you go from these guys:

Yeah...Arnold, Jesse Ventura, Carl Weathers, Sonny Landham, super-huge biceps and chew and swearing; guys you believe could at least stand a chance against a monster/alien in a freakin' jungle.

To these twirpy boys? If these burly dudes don't make it out and the "jungle comes alive and takes them", what the hell chance do these two skinny fucks have?

I mean, I like Topher Grace and all, and I know "acting" wasn't a requirement for 'Predator' the first and second go-rounds (I don't count the other 45 rehashings because they are, well, stupid), so since he isn't really a good actor that isn't the problem. The problem is that you are casting two guys whose weight and body mass COMBINED doesn't equal the heft of one eyelash of ANY of the original cast.

On the other hand, I have NO idea what the plot is and it will no doubt involve one or both of these guys playing "scientists" &/or "government liasons" who get sucked into a terrible situation dealing with a government secret &/or genetic mutations...that is just a given because I can't seriously be expected to believe either of these dudes could be paramilitary/mercenaries/guys who could hold their own without pomade and a chauffeured limosine and a latte.

And one of my favorite things about 'Predator' is the gah-donk-a-donk-a-donk-a music that I can't find (Hey, there is a used copy of Alan Silvestri's soundtrack on Amazon for $188.00!) a sample of; it's when they are trouncing around the jungle and the 'Predator' is tracking them. Watch it, you'll know it!

An Effects-less clip of '2012'

2009-10-07T23:39:00.002-04:00

Here is what you get when you take all of the effects out of a 5 minute clip from the sure-to-be crappy movie '2012'. I say it's "sure-to-be" because it's Roland Emmerich and it's going to be awful. Not even John Cusack in his never aging wonder can save it.

So here's what you get: no effects and I can just assume a better movie than what you will get after all the things exploding/falling apart/blowing up/melting/splashing/flooding, etc.

via: I Watch Stuff

'Nightmare on Elm Street' Remake

2009-09-28T15:59:00.003-04:00

As much as I really don't think it's necessary for remaking every single movie from the 80's that I grew up with, this doesn't look that bad.

I said it doesn't LOOK that bad, I didn't say it wouldn't BE bad. Chances are it will be awful; I did watch that Jason remake, and while it wasn't terrible it was by no means good. It did have a Padalecki in it and I like that.

This remake has a Jackie Earle Haley and a John Connor. I don't know what it is about Thomas Dekker (besides his name reminding me of Rick Deckard [Blade Runner]). I mean in person he seems really odd and weird but I just think he is mesmerizing on screen. Anyway...he's in it too.

One thing I don't understand about all of these remakes is why do they think people need to know the origin stories? Can't we just be like...oh he's a nutcase who kills people for revenge (which seems to be the case usually). Like Jason, I don't care WHY he does what he does. That's like remaking Alien (please don't) and giving us an origin story as to why the aliens hate humans and want to kill them (in the case of aliens, though I would imagine the above taking place in a remake, I think the aliens more or less just kill whatever is food...no need to EVER make an origin story out of Alien).

Trailer!

'The Book of Eli' NEW trailer! Now with more GARY OLDMAN!

2009-09-27T19:03:00.003-04:00

This is the second trailer for 'The Book of Eli' and holy crap it looks freakin' awesome! I know I've mentioned before that I have a soft spot for post-apocalyptic stuff, and this is just taking the cake!

I can just picture Barnaby (my Fallout 3 character) walking around the Wasteland with his G.E.C.K., a pack on his back, some cool shades...and I can also picture him kicking some ass a-la Denzel Washington!

Plus, Gary Oldman is in it. Who doesn't like Gary Oldman (if you say "me" I'll come and punch you!)?

The trailer is below and some Gary Oldman treats have also been included!

-Oh! Commissioner Gordon! It drips of Tony Scott crazy.

-If you haven't seen this movie, run out and get it NOW!

-Beautiful movie as well.

'Stan Helsing' "movie"

2009-09-24T00:19:00.004-04:00

If you watch this trailer and do anything akin to laughing, I might have to track you down and kick you in the coccyx, seriously. If possible, this "spoof" has become the dumbest piece of shit to grace a DVD. It's kind of like when that one stupid "spoof" made fun of Paris Hilton being a dumb, slutty moron; it's not funny when we all know it's true. It's not clever or ironic...or funny. Look! Pinhead has giant pins sticking out of his head, just like regular Pinhead...but they're BIGGER! Now let's laugh? Freddy Krueger has a Hamburger Helper hand that he slaps people, all standing in a row, with! And he says "bitchslap", SO 1996 and relevant. Oh my god, oh my god, let's take Van Helsing and make it Stan Helsing! It's genius (no, it isn't!).

Why? Why would someone finance this? Seriously? Someone pitched this idea to someone and that someone gave the other someone MONEY to make this...thing.

Thanks IWatchStuff ?

'Changeling'

2009-09-19T21:14:00.004-04:00

'Changeling' was one of the best movies from last year, at least in my opinion. It made me fall in love with Clint Eastwood and Angelina Jolie (who should have won an Oscar for her performance and who I've sort-of liked over the years).

The movie is heart-breaking and beautifully shot and it set in the time period I live for. Check out the movie (on DVD, OnDemand, NetFlix, Blockbuster, etc) and if your heart doesn't break, you sir may be dead.

Based on the true story of Christine Collins who came home from work to find her son, Walter Collins, missing. Eventually she finds out that he was probably kidnapped by Gordon S. Northcott (the movie doesn't include the fact that his mother also was involved in the kidnap, torture and murder of at least 4 boys. His mother was convicted of killing Walter Collins and was sentenced to life in prison)and, though he won't admit once way or another, was killed.

*on another note: I want ALL her clothes and hats and her house*

Trailer:

Introduced to Son:

I Want My Son Back:

Dr. Steele Questions Christine:

Captain Jones Insists:

What To Watch Tonight: Thursday

2009-09-17T13:16:00.004-04:00

What's on TV tonight? There is a lot on, but what should you watch? Let me tell you!

8:00 p.m.: This week, there is nothing on at 8, but next week 'Flash Forward' starts and THAT is what you should be watching at 8.

Here's a promo:

On ABC.

9:00 p.m.:
This is bound to happen, two shows on at the same time that are both awesome. Tonight it's 'Fringe' and 'Supernatural'. Which to watch? Well, both is the answer, but that might not be possible. So either DVR one and watch the other, or DVR both, or since FOX has the far superior online viewer, watch 'Supernatural' and then tomorrow go watch 'Fringe' online (FOX actually has a great online viewer with crystal-clear display while The CW has a crappy little player that pixellates regularly and they only have around 3 episodes at a time, so if you miss the first one and week four rolls around you are out of luck).

'Fringe' Promo

On FOX
'Supernatural' Promo
I'm including the first episode promo of the season too, I'm behind so I don't know what's going on. Have to catch up this afternoon. On The CW

10:00 p.m.
I've already posted about what you should watch at 10, and that would be 'It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia'. This show is fantastic and funny beyond belief, so watch it. It's on FX.

'It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia' Season 5 promos

2009-09-17T12:52:00.004-04:00

Dee shops for a wedding dress

Want Some?

Wait

Rope Trick

Roast
Yes, I too want to know why Dennis is wearing dark red lipstick!

Questions?

Kitten

Here Again

Green Trash

Old timey trailers=brilliant

2009-09-17T12:34:00.003-04:00

I don't know who did these, mainly because I'm too lazy to go look at their YouTube profile, but I would like to marry them. These are fantastic!

First is the 1954 version of 'Raiders of the Lost Ark' starring Charleton Heston:

Next is Forrest Gump 1949 trailer starring Jimmy Stewart:

And Ghostbuster's if it were 1954 and starred Dean Martin, Jerry Lee Lewis and Bob Hope...clever, very clever.

'Vampire Diaries' Pilot

2009-09-17T01:11:00.004-04:00

Alright, I was really hesitant to watch this show for the obvious reasons, there is a large amount of vampire stuff around, and it's on The CW. That doesn't exactly scream, "It's gonna be good!" I thought the same thing about 'Supernatural' and eventually started watching that show and fell in love with it. I don't think that is going to happen with this show and here is why:

While 'Supernatural' is also on The CW, it has charm and wit that goes along with some really creepy and messed up stuff. Plus Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles are adorable and have chemistry (not sexual, just regular chemistry). Chemistry is essential in a cast, without it you just have a bunch of people spouting lines as characters that you don't really care about. I don't find chemistry among anyone in the cast of 'The Vampire Diaries', let alone the two "main" leads. I just watched it for an hour and without going to IMDB I can't tell you what their names (or any characters name, for that matter) are. They were called Elena and Stefen, if you care. This is bad, this is something I should know. Within 3 seconds of 'True Blood' I knew everyone drinking in Merlotte's by name.

Music. Oh the overuse of music in this show. It's one of the things that kept nagging at me the entire episode. I know the target demo is those that watch 'The Hills' (is that still on?), but they didn't need to make the scripted drama like an episode of 'The Hills' complete with "current" songs in every scene; sometimes more than once a scene including Placebo's remake of 'Running Up That Hill' which is a great remake, but it's already being used on the 'Daybreakers' trailer, which is a vampire movie. It was annoying. You see, in 'Supernatural' the music makes sense, it's used for dramatic effect or humor. On 'True Blood' the music is also used this way, mostly in the background on a radio or because someone is dancing or it's playing on the jukebox at Merlotte's. And most importantly on 'True Blood' is the end titles, which always have an interesting song choice (each episode is named by a song that is played at some point in the episode, but NOT loudly covering up the scene). It's the work of a great director and music supervisor. Without that you get what I watched tonight, a mish-mash of whatever someone thought "the kids" would want to hear and then run out and buy.

Unless you've never read anything I've ever posted on this blog, I absolutely LOVE True Blood. I love every little "Sooookeh" Bill makes, every stupid thing Sookie does, every dumb line Jason speaks, every left eyebrow raise and Swedish accented word (this goes for every day Skarsgård really) Eric makes, every lovely move Lafayette makes...I even (though I loathed him) liked the uselessness that was Eggs. I love the show. I love the books. Yet, I can take or leave Twilight and now 'Vampire Diaries'. Why is this? Is it because I am clearly not the target demo? I'm too old? I don't think so, you see, I love to watch 'Attack of the Show' and I KNOW I am not the target demo. What I think is the case here is that 'Twilight' and 'Vampire Diaries' are too "safe". In fact, they are almost the same damn thing. And it would seem, at first glance, that so is 'True Blood', but that isn't the case. When I watch 'True Blood' I know I'm gonna get at least one of the following: nudity, swearing, blood, something offensive to someone, and Lafayette or Eric. And that's great! I want that, that is why I am watching and paying for HBO. I am an adult damn it, I want an adult show to watch. A show that requires me to pay attention and catch the nuances that fill an Alan Ball show. I know there is camp, and smut, and cheese smothered ALL over 'True Blood', but I crave it. I don't want to watch a movie/show where vampires "shimmer" and "glimmer" in the sun; I want those bastards to burn if they hit the sun's rays. I don't want a show where they have to wear little rings to keep from burning; I want 'Anubis Air' to be their mode of travelling by the light of day. I want the typical "vampire-comes-to-town-meets-the-girl story with a twist, and that's what 'True Blood' gives me.

Now I know I might seem a little harsh on 'Vampire Diaries' and maybe even 'Twilight', but truth be told I'd rather watch either of these two items over the abysmal 90210/Melrose Place/Gossip Girl/Whatever-the-hell-that-Mischa-Barton-Show-Is. Those suck ass on a level that cannot be met even by the WORST Sci-Fi Channel Original Movie. I even enjoyed 'Twilight', even with Kristin Stewart's non-existant expressions and emotions and the glimmering. And since, at least by first episode impressions, 'Vampire Diaries' (VD?) is the same thing I don't know why it was needed other than to fill this desire to make vampire-related everything. That said, the acting isn't bad (I did mention 90210/Gossip Girl, right?) and I can't lie and say that Ian Somerhalder isn't lovely to look at in any situation (although he needs a different hairstyle on this show). However, I did prefer him as Boone on LOST and think there was SO much more to his characters' storyline than was covered. Anyway...almost everyone was good at the acting, barring a few people who were good enough not to lump them in with the above mentioned crap-shows on The CW.

So what's my final verdict? If you are over the age of, say, 25 go watch True Blood and just soak it all in. As a treat, here are some scenes from 'True Blood'.

In these scene's you get several of the things I love about TB: Blood, Lafayette, Eric, swearing, the eye-brow raise and a little cheese sprinkled with a cheeky song choice for the end: (Possible SPOILERS for TB.)

You are welcome and thanks for noticing how my rant on 'Vampire Diaries' turned into a praise for 'True Blood'.

True Blood "Beyond Here Lies Nothing" Season 2 Finale! SPOILERS

2009-09-14T23:49:00.024-04:00

Now that I have my precious computer back, covered in Cheetos, I can give you little lovely screen-shots of the best moments from last night. If you play your cards right and are nice to me I might even manage to wander over to YouTube and get those Eric scenes (all ONE of them). I know how everyone loves their Eric!

What the hell can I say about this episode/finale? It was bat-shit insane on so many levels and set us up for next season in a great way. It also closed the door on everyone's favorite annoying-as-fuck, worthless character. More on that later.

I'm trying to find a format that works for me while I do these little recaps, because I plan on doing it for most, if not all, of the shows I love. Admittedly, I enjoy this show WAYYYY too much. So bear with me if they aren't really set up the same every week.

* Lafayette (filled up with crazy) tells Tara and ...Eggs that Maryann wants them downstairs with the egg. This is probably a face this guy should never. ever make again. EVER! I might not be able to sleep now. I already don't like this character.

* Big deal Lafayette, Sookie has 1000 year old vampire blood in her too, why should she take her clothes off? Oh, right...time for this gorgeous dress. Where did this dress come from, by the way?

* "What the hell are you doing in my Grandmother's wedding dress?" And not a pause from Maryann as she welcomes ol' Sook to the "party". Oh wonderful, she's the Maid of Honor. Best thing so far? Lafayette's little lady-clap there on the right.

*Credits! *Sob* Last time until next summer. Is it next summer yet? Not only will I be almost finished with school and ready to move back to L.A., but it will be time for more True Blood! "I wanna do bad things with you!" Guitar solo...

* Arlene asking which of the Old, New and Blue she is. Classic dumb Arlene. And, there in the back once again is Lafayette stealing the scene. Besides Skarsgård, no one quite steals a scene like Nelsan Ellis.

* Maryann asking Sookie to "shock" her again. Sookie doesn't know why/how she did it...but I do! "I'm a waitress...what the fuck are you?"

* I love how Mrs. Fortenberry is tied to Hoyt with string and she tries to escape with her Snicker/chips/Tabasco casserole. Om nom nom!

* Maryann tells Sookie there was something watching out for her. Flashback to the Rattrays. Allusions to there being someone "helping" her. Again, I know I know! Oh yeah, Maryann is sacrificing Sam to her soon-to-be husband because he came to her naked and a virgin. Right...that's because he broke into your house after shifting. No connection lady, sorry!

* Hallaloojah's! It's time for Eric! And he's playing Yahtzee with the Queen. Apparently they play to 5 million, or something.

* Yeah...I know, right?

* He must have been tired, I hear that accent quite heavily in this scene. And I like it! Anyway...the Queen seems a bit scatter-brained and keeps interrupting everyone. She mentions the Maenad and Eric says that's why he's there, she says don't get involved.

* The Queen mentions that Bill is in love with Sooookeh and that Eric probably is too. He sheepishly says he doesn't love humans (liar!).

* Rut-Roh! The Queen knows that Bill knows that Eric is selling her blood...for her? "The guards here hear everything" I like this quick change in the Queen. And everyone was so mean to ERW last week (She still looks gorgeous!).

* I don't know about ERW...but this would have been the worst day at work. EVER!

* It's "-uh, you-a turn to make da Yahtzee" and I love that look on his face! He's going to take care of Bill Compton...personally.

* By-the-by, this is all incredibly important and all, since it's setting up next season, but I really just wanted an excuse to slap some Skarsgård up.

* Jason and Andy going to battle and Jason says the line, "I love the smell of nail polish in the morning." Jason you are SO stupid and I love you for it!

* The orgy party is STILL on! And Andy and Jason get captured too soon. They had a plan. And Jason has Kid Glock on his side.

* "It's time's like this that the town needs a good man, and that man is us"

* Damn it! Now they both are black-eyed freaks. NOOOOO!

* Sam and Bill talk and Bill is too pale. Lay off the makeup on Moyer. "You must come with me. I declare you have no choice"

* There are FAR too many awesome lines tonight. "Ok...what is with the egg? Did you lay it?" She didn't, it's an ostrich egg. Why there needs to be a giant egg involved with the orgy party, I don't know. I don't think anyone, including the writers know. Is Eggs dead yet? Damn it, no.

* Eww...

* At least they aren't naked in this orgy. The band of morons who can't play violin, playing violin, is a lovely touch. Chuckle-worthy, if you will.

* Bill hands Sam over to Maryann. And the idiots start chanting to the God Who Never Comes.

* Sam gets stabbed in the heart. Oh crap!

* Sam tells Sookie to knock the meat-tower down and smash the egg. She does and Maryann starts shrieking and breaking everyone's ears. Again.

* Maryann gets pissed. I would too. She put a lot of work into that meat tower and all those orgies and along comes Betty Sue to mess it all up.

* Wait...what's that? That is one huge motha'ucker of a bull/oxe. Oh and it's not your husband dumbass. It's a giant bull. Yuck!

* And...it's Sam. Ding-dong-the Maenads dead! Storyline wrapped up a little too quickly. Everyone's all, "WTF are we doing in Sookies yard? Without clothes?" Bill's all weak and shit.

* Tara apologizes for how stupid she acted last week. And she should, she was terrible.

* Maxine Fortenberry gets all nasty, without the black eyes, about Jessica and Hoyt's pappy. She's a nasty bitch! I like Hoyt, stop being a nasty bitch to him! Jim Parrack is so adorable (even though I thought he was the killer last year!)

* All the former black-eyed morons are meandering around Sookehs house and Jane Bodehouse finds her finger in the meat tower. Andy can have his badge back because he wearing pants, that seems like a valid reason to let a drunk back on the force.

* Sam's all sad because he doesn't have useless-what's-her-tits around anymore. Um...Sam? She tried to give you to Maryann to sacrifice, forget her. And she was a pig/deer.
See...he's sad.

* Sam and Bill have a heart to heart and kiss.

* Eggs want to know what happened to him and why he can't remember things. Eggs, it's because you are annoying and NO ONE, but Tara, likes you. Go away!

* You go on to bed? Um...Sookie? Yeah, there is meat and orgy and Eggs everywhere! Go sleep at Vampire Bills. Then he can say, "Sooookeh, I declare it would be most convenient if you retired at my abode for the evening", because that's how he talks.

* CHARLAINE HARRIS!

* Sam opened the bar and Arlenes kids are smarter than her. And the locals are gossiping again. Apparently Maryann was an alien and that's why you should drink Mountain Dew. "God bless who made those jeans. I'd wear him like a scrunchie." I concur random town-nut.

* Everyone thinks Andy is still a drunk. "It's Diet Coke with LIME!" Bubba? Bubba? Jason, I love you! Ryan Kwanten is seriously an underrated actor. Jason thinks they saved the town even though they have NO clue what happened. "If a tree falls in the woods, it's still a tree ain't it?"
Bubba makes sense after this face.

* Sam asks Sookie to look after Merlotte's. He wants a break, but really he wants to go wander to see his family and ask about his REAL parents. They are apparently bad people.

* Sookie gets a dress from Bill. I hoped it was the red coat, but I can't remember which book that's from. She gets a lovely purple dress and a "promise for a lovely evening out, which I declare I owe." I'm going to start talking like Vampire Bill, complete with the southern aristocrat accent.

* Crap, that dumb-shit Eggs hasn't spontaneously died YET! Now he wants Sookie to help him figure out what he can't remember. Should I care what "bad things" in his past he did? Because I don't. Please.die. 10 episodes ago.

* Oh yeah, Eggs killed all those people we already knew he killed. Now he knows what he did and he pretty much goes bat-shit crazy. Ugh...

* Jessica says she's leaving to see Hoyt...maybe? Then she tells Bill that they had a fight. Bill's being nice to her. "I do declare he would be a fool not to accept your apology for being angry to each other a fortnight ago"

* Sam Trammell is hot. There is a whole scene relating to what I mentioned above with Sam's family. Next season set-up. I don't know where this is going next year.

* Hoyt goes to see Jessica, but she's at a truck stop eating a dude.

* Sookie and Bill dance while Eggs pretty much attacks Andy to turn himself in. And then this happened:

Eggs was FINALLY killed via Jason and his baby-tees! If you wish and hope and dream, little boys and girls, good things will come to you. Oh Tara is upset because he's the nicest man she's ever met. Sure he beat her and ate heart souffle with her, but whatever, he was a dream!

* Bill proposes to Sookeh and she runs off to the bathroom to cry, at least she didn't get anyone in trouble on the way...oh, wait...this happened:
DAMN IT, Sooookeh! Why can't you stop getting people in trouble? That's silver!

* Sookie's all, "LALALALA I'm gonna marry Bill Compton!" And then she comes out and BLAMO! He's gone! Who took him? I know who from the books, but we all know the show doesn't always follow the books. Is it next summer yet?

Here is THE SINGLE Eric scene of the evening, since you were so nice:

'Youth Without Youth' Review

2009-09-12T20:16:00.003-04:00

Last night I watched this movie. I spent 2+ hours watching it. I don't know what I watched. I know Tim Roth was in it and Francis Ford Coppola wrote, produced and directed it. I also know that I am not really a fan of Coppola and this movie didn't really sway me toward becoming a fan. I didn't hate it, but I certainly did not like it either.

Before I get to the how and why and describe just what the movie is about (I think), let me show the two trailers that were released.

They show two completely different movies. The first trailer makes it seem like the movie is about a man who gets struck by lightning, lives and something happens to him making him become a person everyone wants a piece of. Then Matt Damon offers him protection and new identities. It looks interesting, and seems like an international sci-fi, espionage, thriller.

The second trailer kind of makes less sense. It's also more like the actual movie. What I mean by that is: It doesn't make any sense. It covers basically the first trailers content then adds stuff about this woman who keeps going further and further back in time. I'll explain that later. Either way, it makes little to no sense.

Here's what the movie is about: Dominic Matei, a student who has a life-long dream to figure out the origins of language, is dumped by his love Laura. Laura tells him that he is, in essence, married to his work and he'd be better off without her. He later finds out that she got married and died a year later in childbirth. Now he is a 70 year old man and has spent, I assume, the last 50 years or so alone. He ends up in a Bucharest, a city where no one knows him and he is wandering the streets with a blue envelope filled with poison to kill himself. He is then struck by lightning and survives, though badly burned. At the hospital the doctors are astounded when he begins to heal and grow younger. He leaves the hospital after he is healed and writes about his experiences, gaining the attention of many people, including The Nazi's. Oh, after he was struck by lightning he seemed to have developed some kind of double personality that appears in mirrors and later in the flesh.

Later he flees to Switzerland and encounters a woman named Veronica, who looks exactly like Laura, and her friend heading up a mountain road. Later he goes to look for them afraid they have met harm and he finds the car and Veronica's friend dead and Veronica in a cave. She seems to be in shock and thinks she is a woman named Rupini. She says the last thing she remembers is meditating in a cave and then there was a cave-in. This is really where the movie starts to get really WTF. Veronica starts getting "possessed" by Rupini and heading farther and farther back in time, linguistically. She also starts to age and finally Dominic tells her that he needs to leave her in order to save her. He says that if in 6 months she hasn't returned back to her youth he'll come back. A few years go by and he sees her leaving a train, youthful and with a child. She passes him without noticing him and he returns to his home town. In the hotel where he is staying he begins to have an argument with his other self and he ends up smashing a mirror causing the other self to scream, "What have you done?" and then turning to another, foreign language.

After this altercation he goes to the cafe he used to frequent as a younger man and there he meets some old men who he knew in the past. As he talks about things he's seen and done they start to ask what he is talking about and at some point he is old again. He then grasps his mouth, stumbles out the door, spits up blood and stumbles away. In the morning a man finds him, greatly aged, frozen to death at the bottom of the stairs. In his pocket is a passport with the name of a different man, an alias from the "past/future". Did all this happen? Was it a dream? Does it matter because this movie really makes no sense when you watch it?

I think there is something in this movie, but the execution really failed. It goes from being a movie about a man who gains his youth back in an accident and comes under the attention of a bunch of people to a movie about a woman who gets possessed by something and starts babbling in ancient languages. I don't know what the point is supposed to be. Is it supposed to be a giant paradox? Because for that to happen there should be, you know, a paradox and something that clearly shows that there is a paradox. Otherwise, it's just a movie that makes no damn sense. I read somewhere that people compare it to David Lynch movies and 'Mulholland Drive' in particular. I don't see this. I love David Lynch and I am totally clueless about his movies, but I don't care.

What I loved was that this movie had Tim Roth and some killer cinematography. Some of the shots used were beautiful and the production design was great too. Really everything was fine except for the story because I don't know what I was supposed to be gaining from it.

'Pandorum' clips

2009-09-12T00:00:00.003-04:00

Not being a fan of "torture-porn" as the internets call it, but being a fan of sci-fi and movies where stuff is inexplicably deserted (Event Horizon anyone?), I can't wait to actually see this movie. Good or bad, it looks fun. Plus Ben Foster is awesome-sauce to the extreme!

I don't know about you, but if I was Ben Foster in these clips it would definitely be a brown-shorts day!

Motion Picture Whore

Moved to Wordpress

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