What the hell can I say about this episode/finale? It was bat-shit insane on so many levels and set us up for next season in a great way. It also closed the door on everyone's favorite annoying-as-fuck, worthless character. More on that later.
I'm trying to find a format that works for me while I do these little recaps, because I plan on doing it for most, if not all, of the shows I love. Admittedly, I enjoy this show WAYYYY too much. So bear with me if they aren't really set up the same every week.
* Lafayette (filled up with crazy) tells Tara and ...Eggs that Maryann wants them downstairs with the egg. This is probably a face this guy should never. ever make again. EVER! I might not be able to sleep now. I already don't like this character.
* Big deal Lafayette, Sookie has 1000 year old vampire blood in her too, why should she take her clothes off? Oh, right...time for this gorgeous dress. Where did this dress come from, by the way?
* "What the hell are you doing in my Grandmother's wedding dress?" And not a pause from Maryann as she welcomes ol' Sook to the "party". Oh wonderful, she's the Maid of Honor. Best thing so far? Lafayette's little lady-clap there on the right.
*Credits! *Sob* Last time until next summer. Is it next summer yet? Not only will I be almost finished with school and ready to move back to L.A., but it will be time for more True Blood! "I wanna do bad things with you!" Guitar solo...
* Arlene asking which of the Old, New and Blue she is. Classic dumb Arlene. And, there in the back once again is Lafayette stealing the scene. Besides Skarsgård, no one quite steals a scene like Nelsan Ellis.
* Maryann asking Sookie to "shock" her again. Sookie doesn't know why/how she did it...but I do! "I'm a waitress...what the fuck are you?"
* I love how Mrs. Fortenberry is tied to Hoyt with string and she tries to escape with her Snicker/chips/Tabasco casserole. Om nom nom!
* Maryann tells Sookie there was something watching out for her. Flashback to the Rattrays. Allusions to there being someone "helping" her. Again, I know I know! Oh yeah, Maryann is sacrificing Sam to her soon-to-be husband because he came to her naked and a virgin. Right...that's because he broke into your house after shifting. No connection lady, sorry!
* Hallaloojah's! It's time for Eric! And he's playing Yahtzee with the Queen. Apparently they play to 5 million, or something.
* Yeah...I know, right?
* He must have been tired, I hear that accent quite heavily in this scene. And I like it! Anyway...the Queen seems a bit scatter-brained and keeps interrupting everyone. She mentions the Maenad and Eric says that's why he's there, she says don't get involved.
* The Queen mentions that Bill is in love with Sooookeh and that Eric probably is too. He sheepishly says he doesn't love humans (liar!).
* Rut-Roh! The Queen knows that Bill knows that Eric is selling her blood...for her? "The guards here hear everything" I like this quick change in the Queen. And everyone was so mean to ERW last week (She still looks gorgeous!).
* I don't know about ERW...but this would have been the worst day at work. EVER!
* It's "-uh, you-a turn to make da Yahtzee" and I love that look on his face! He's going to take care of Bill Compton...personally.
* By-the-by, this is all incredibly important and all, since it's setting up next season, but I really just wanted an excuse to slap some Skarsgård up.
* Jason and Andy going to battle and Jason says the line, "I love the smell of nail polish in the morning." Jason you are SO stupid and I love you for it!
* The orgy party is STILL on! And Andy and Jason get captured too soon. They had a plan. And Jason has Kid Glock on his side.
* "It's time's like this that the town needs a good man, and that man is us"
* Damn it! Now they both are black-eyed freaks. NOOOOO!
* Sam and Bill talk and Bill is too pale. Lay off the makeup on Moyer. "You must come with me. I declare you have no choice"
* There are FAR too many awesome lines tonight. "Ok...what is with the egg? Did you lay it?" She didn't, it's an ostrich egg. Why there needs to be a giant egg involved with the orgy party, I don't know. I don't think anyone, including the writers know. Is Eggs dead yet? Damn it, no.
* Eww...
* At least they aren't naked in this orgy. The band of morons who can't play violin, playing violin, is a lovely touch. Chuckle-worthy, if you will.
* Bill hands Sam over to Maryann. And the idiots start chanting to the God Who Never Comes.
* Sam gets stabbed in the heart. Oh crap!
* Sam tells Sookie to knock the meat-tower down and smash the egg. She does and Maryann starts shrieking and breaking everyone's ears. Again.
* Maryann gets pissed. I would too. She put a lot of work into that meat tower and all those orgies and along comes Betty Sue to mess it all up.
* Wait...what's that? That is one huge motha'ucker of a bull/oxe. Oh and it's not your husband dumbass. It's a giant bull. Yuck!
* And...it's Sam. Ding-dong-the Maenads dead! Storyline wrapped up a little too quickly. Everyone's all, "WTF are we doing in Sookies yard? Without clothes?" Bill's all weak and shit.
* Tara apologizes for how stupid she acted last week. And she should, she was terrible.
* Maxine Fortenberry gets all nasty, without the black eyes, about Jessica and Hoyt's pappy. She's a nasty bitch! I like Hoyt, stop being a nasty bitch to him! Jim Parrack is so adorable (even though I thought he was the killer last year!)
* All the former black-eyed morons are meandering around Sookehs house and Jane Bodehouse finds her finger in the meat tower. Andy can have his badge back because he wearing pants, that seems like a valid reason to let a drunk back on the force.
* Sam's all sad because he doesn't have useless-what's-her-tits around anymore. Um...Sam? She tried to give you to Maryann to sacrifice, forget her. And she was a pig/deer.
See...he's sad.* Sam and Bill have a heart to heart and kiss.
* Eggs want to know what happened to him and why he can't remember things. Eggs, it's because you are annoying and NO ONE, but Tara, likes you. Go away!
* You go on to bed? Um...Sookie? Yeah, there is meat and orgy and Eggs everywhere! Go sleep at Vampire Bills. Then he can say, "Sooookeh, I declare it would be most convenient if you retired at my abode for the evening", because that's how he talks.
* CHARLAINE HARRIS!
* Sam opened the bar and Arlenes kids are smarter than her. And the locals are gossiping again. Apparently Maryann was an alien and that's why you should drink Mountain Dew. "God bless who made those jeans. I'd wear him like a scrunchie." I concur random town-nut.
* Everyone thinks Andy is still a drunk. "It's Diet Coke with LIME!" Bubba? Bubba? Jason, I love you! Ryan Kwanten is seriously an underrated actor. Jason thinks they saved the town even though they have NO clue what happened. "If a tree falls in the woods, it's still a tree ain't it?"
Bubba makes sense after this face.* Sam asks Sookie to look after Merlotte's. He wants a break, but really he wants to go wander to see his family and ask about his REAL parents. They are apparently bad people.
* Sookie gets a dress from Bill. I hoped it was the red coat, but I can't remember which book that's from. She gets a lovely purple dress and a "promise for a lovely evening out, which I declare I owe." I'm going to start talking like Vampire Bill, complete with the southern aristocrat accent.
* Crap, that dumb-shit Eggs hasn't spontaneously died YET! Now he wants Sookie to help him figure out what he can't remember. Should I care what "bad things" in his past he did? Because I don't. Please.die. 10 episodes ago.
* Oh yeah, Eggs killed all those people we already knew he killed. Now he knows what he did and he pretty much goes bat-shit crazy. Ugh...
* Jessica says she's leaving to see Hoyt...maybe? Then she tells Bill that they had a fight. Bill's being nice to her. "I do declare he would be a fool not to accept your apology for being angry to each other a fortnight ago"
* Sam Trammell is hot. There is a whole scene relating to what I mentioned above with Sam's family. Next season set-up. I don't know where this is going next year.
* Hoyt goes to see Jessica, but she's at a truck stop eating a dude.
* Sookie and Bill dance while Eggs pretty much attacks Andy to turn himself in. And then this happened:
Eggs was FINALLY killed via Jason and his baby-tees! If you wish and hope and dream, little boys and girls, good things will come to you. Oh Tara is upset because he's the nicest man she's ever met. Sure he beat her and ate heart souffle with her, but whatever, he was a dream!
* Bill proposes to Sookeh and she runs off to the bathroom to cry, at least she didn't get anyone in trouble on the way...oh, wait...this happened:
DAMN IT, Sooookeh! Why can't you stop getting people in trouble? That's silver!* Sookie's all, "LALALALA I'm gonna marry Bill Compton!" And then she comes out and BLAMO! He's gone! Who took him? I know who from the books, but we all know the show doesn't always follow the books. Is it next summer yet?
Here is THE SINGLE Eric scene of the evening, since you were so nice:
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