Hello,
Long time since posting here. That is because I moved over to Wordpress.
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Monday, June 27, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Scandinavian Film Fest 2011: Review 'The Bothersome Man (Den Brysomme Mannen)'
Let me first start off by saying that this is my own personal Scandinavian film fest, not any official fest, mostly because it takes place in my bedroom in Michigan. I decided that, between trying to find something to watch on TV and what was already in my Netflix queue and having zero luck, I would turn to Scandinavia, a place I want to visit but can't afford. I'm also learning Swedish for personal growth and for fun so I figured that a virtual trip to the Nordic lands via cinema was a good, cheap vacation.
I've already written about 'Troubled Water (DeUsynlige)', a wonderful drama from Norway on a previous day and have since watched about three more movies. The film I am going to write about this evening I watched two nights ago called 'The Bothersome Man (Den Brysomme Mannen)' and hails from Norway as well. Released in 2006, this film is a very Kafka-esque, surreal "nightmare" of a film, and what I mean by that comes in later, that is partly black comedy and part social commentary and stars Trond Fausa Aurvaag and Petronella Barker. I have mixed feelings about this movie, I can't decide whether I liked it or not.
The movie opens with a man, named Andreas, standing on a subway platform staring into the camera. He looks to the side and sees a couple sucking face, quite literally sucking face. It's one of the most awkward and weird things to witness in the first few minutes of a film and it all makes sense later in the film. The man then "jumps" into the path of the passing train. The next shot he is in a bus being driven out to the middle of nowhere where a man greets him at an abandoned gas station and takes him to "the city" to be introduced to his new life. He is given an apartment, a job and everyone is seemingly very nice and pleasant. The creepy-factor from everyone is really tipping the meter through the whole film. As he goes about his mundane, boring job and home life of eating tasteless food and drinking alcohol that never makes a person drunk he encounters a man in the bathroom of a local bar who starts going on about how he can never get drunk and how he can't taste anything before Andreas sees him leave the bar and follows him to a building where a basement light comes on and music plays. He can't get this man out of his head, as he too has noticed that booze doesn't make you drunk, food has no taste, nothing has a smell and conversations are quite bland, but he never sees the man again.
During this time he meets a woman at a work dinner, begins to date her, they have boring, feeling-less sex several times while he moves in with her and begins renovations at their new home. He's in love, or so he seems until he meets another woman that he works with and tests out whether his current relationship will fall apart when he starts hanging around a new woman that he eventually falls in love with. At this point the plot treads into 'spoiler' territory so I'll stop writing down the whole story, but I will say that the opening shots in the subway train tunnel come in to being soon enough.
The movie has a wonderful, weird, creepy atmosphere that is played out very well with very dark rooms and muted colors in most places but the subway tunnel and you genuinely get the feeling of a feeling-less boring society that seems to just be peachy and perfect on the surface; a place where everyone just goes along with what they are given and learns to like it, but also a place that some people find weird and not satisfying. Andreas is one of those people.
I wish that I could say that I liked, or disliked, this movie one way or another, but I just don't know. I liked that acting, I liked the music, I liked the pace and atmosphere. What I didn't like was the ultimate ending and the fact that if you are going to go weird Kafka-esque on the audience, you go balls to the walls crazy-weird. Go David Lynch Mulholland Drive/Lost Highway-I've seen this movie 12 billion times and don't know what's going on-crazy. This movie dipped its toe in surreal weirdness and then realized it was a tad too chilly and yanked it right out, but not before throwing the creepy atmosphere towel into the deep end, and that, along with the acting, may be its one saving grace.
Overall, I definitely think it's worth a watch because of the creepiness it does have and because of the acting and well-shot scenes and I'd be interested to hear some other feedback as to how it was received in your eyes and brains.
I will throw out a warning that if you watch on Netflix streaming, the aspect ratio is not correct. It is far too letterboxed and the whole movie seems weirdly stretched. It isn't just part of the film, it really is messed up on Netflix.
I've already written about 'Troubled Water (DeUsynlige)', a wonderful drama from Norway on a previous day and have since watched about three more movies. The film I am going to write about this evening I watched two nights ago called 'The Bothersome Man (Den Brysomme Mannen)' and hails from Norway as well. Released in 2006, this film is a very Kafka-esque, surreal "nightmare" of a film, and what I mean by that comes in later, that is partly black comedy and part social commentary and stars Trond Fausa Aurvaag and Petronella Barker. I have mixed feelings about this movie, I can't decide whether I liked it or not.
The movie opens with a man, named Andreas, standing on a subway platform staring into the camera. He looks to the side and sees a couple sucking face, quite literally sucking face. It's one of the most awkward and weird things to witness in the first few minutes of a film and it all makes sense later in the film. The man then "jumps" into the path of the passing train. The next shot he is in a bus being driven out to the middle of nowhere where a man greets him at an abandoned gas station and takes him to "the city" to be introduced to his new life. He is given an apartment, a job and everyone is seemingly very nice and pleasant. The creepy-factor from everyone is really tipping the meter through the whole film. As he goes about his mundane, boring job and home life of eating tasteless food and drinking alcohol that never makes a person drunk he encounters a man in the bathroom of a local bar who starts going on about how he can never get drunk and how he can't taste anything before Andreas sees him leave the bar and follows him to a building where a basement light comes on and music plays. He can't get this man out of his head, as he too has noticed that booze doesn't make you drunk, food has no taste, nothing has a smell and conversations are quite bland, but he never sees the man again.
During this time he meets a woman at a work dinner, begins to date her, they have boring, feeling-less sex several times while he moves in with her and begins renovations at their new home. He's in love, or so he seems until he meets another woman that he works with and tests out whether his current relationship will fall apart when he starts hanging around a new woman that he eventually falls in love with. At this point the plot treads into 'spoiler' territory so I'll stop writing down the whole story, but I will say that the opening shots in the subway train tunnel come in to being soon enough.
The movie has a wonderful, weird, creepy atmosphere that is played out very well with very dark rooms and muted colors in most places but the subway tunnel and you genuinely get the feeling of a feeling-less boring society that seems to just be peachy and perfect on the surface; a place where everyone just goes along with what they are given and learns to like it, but also a place that some people find weird and not satisfying. Andreas is one of those people.
I wish that I could say that I liked, or disliked, this movie one way or another, but I just don't know. I liked that acting, I liked the music, I liked the pace and atmosphere. What I didn't like was the ultimate ending and the fact that if you are going to go weird Kafka-esque on the audience, you go balls to the walls crazy-weird. Go David Lynch Mulholland Drive/Lost Highway-I've seen this movie 12 billion times and don't know what's going on-crazy. This movie dipped its toe in surreal weirdness and then realized it was a tad too chilly and yanked it right out, but not before throwing the creepy atmosphere towel into the deep end, and that, along with the acting, may be its one saving grace.
Overall, I definitely think it's worth a watch because of the creepiness it does have and because of the acting and well-shot scenes and I'd be interested to hear some other feedback as to how it was received in your eyes and brains.
I will throw out a warning that if you watch on Netflix streaming, the aspect ratio is not correct. It is far too letterboxed and the whole movie seems weirdly stretched. It isn't just part of the film, it really is messed up on Netflix.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
'Troubled Water' Review
Before I begin, make sure if you search for this movie, you look for Troubled Water (deUSYNLIGE) and NOT Troubled Waters. Troubled Waters is about an FBI agent that is hired to track down some missing child and then has to unravel the mystery of what really happened to the little girl...or something. I gathered all that from the five line synopsis and knew that was not a movie I was interested in.
Now on to the interesting movie. Troubled Water (for once a faithful translation of a foreign movie title) is about a young man named Thomas, convicted of killing a four year old boy, who gets out of prison and gets a job working at a church as the organ player. While working at the church he meets Anna, one of the priests at the church and starts a relationship with her. The problem is that she has a child who looks much like the boy he was accused of killing so he feels a lot of apprehension about being around him. At the same time he is trying to continue with his life, the mother of the child he allegedly murdered sees him in the church playing the organ during a field trip with her class. She then proceeds to follow him around and in essence stalk him. According to her husband, all they want is for him to admit that he killed the boy and to say what happened to the child, but Thomas sticks to his original story that it was an accident and he had nothing to do with the death.
The brilliance of this movie is that it is a simple character study about the lives of two people connected through a common event and how they attempt to live their lives, or not live their lives depending on how you look at it. The structure is also very uncommon and honestly, quite refreshing. The first section is about both characters and the even that took place. Then the film moves for the next 45 minutes to an hour is about Thomas and his experiences. The final portion covers what happened with the mother of the dead child culminating with a confrontation and an ending that is different than what American audiences are used to.
The film is brilliantly shot with gorgeous shallow depth of field and wonderful rack-focus shots. The lighting and coloring are lovely and the acting is top-notch. Pål Sverre Valheim Hagan is wonderful as Jan Thomas and really shows this vulnerable, hurt, scared, afraid nature of the character. The soundtrack really plays well with the whole feel of the movie and the theme of forgiveness and closure is felt through the whole movie right until the very end.
There is just something about these Scandinavian movies that really grabs my attention and this one is no different. I would have to say this movie was one of my favorites of all time. There are so many little nuances that I missed the first time through and after watching a couple scenes online again I can see things I missed. I highly recommend the movie to anyone looking for a wonderful character film that pulls at your heartstrings without being obvious and Oprah-Book-of-the-Week-like.
Here are a couple of scenes and the trailer. I can't promise there won't be spoilers, so beware.
Trailer (no English)
Trailer (English)
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1244939288029
This wonderful extended International trailer has a split screen of the film and does include spoilers...so be warned: SPOILERS! Although if you don't understand Norwegian you won't know what's being said exactly.
Now on to the interesting movie. Troubled Water (for once a faithful translation of a foreign movie title) is about a young man named Thomas, convicted of killing a four year old boy, who gets out of prison and gets a job working at a church as the organ player. While working at the church he meets Anna, one of the priests at the church and starts a relationship with her. The problem is that she has a child who looks much like the boy he was accused of killing so he feels a lot of apprehension about being around him. At the same time he is trying to continue with his life, the mother of the child he allegedly murdered sees him in the church playing the organ during a field trip with her class. She then proceeds to follow him around and in essence stalk him. According to her husband, all they want is for him to admit that he killed the boy and to say what happened to the child, but Thomas sticks to his original story that it was an accident and he had nothing to do with the death.
The brilliance of this movie is that it is a simple character study about the lives of two people connected through a common event and how they attempt to live their lives, or not live their lives depending on how you look at it. The structure is also very uncommon and honestly, quite refreshing. The first section is about both characters and the even that took place. Then the film moves for the next 45 minutes to an hour is about Thomas and his experiences. The final portion covers what happened with the mother of the dead child culminating with a confrontation and an ending that is different than what American audiences are used to.
The film is brilliantly shot with gorgeous shallow depth of field and wonderful rack-focus shots. The lighting and coloring are lovely and the acting is top-notch. Pål Sverre Valheim Hagan is wonderful as Jan Thomas and really shows this vulnerable, hurt, scared, afraid nature of the character. The soundtrack really plays well with the whole feel of the movie and the theme of forgiveness and closure is felt through the whole movie right until the very end.
There is just something about these Scandinavian movies that really grabs my attention and this one is no different. I would have to say this movie was one of my favorites of all time. There are so many little nuances that I missed the first time through and after watching a couple scenes online again I can see things I missed. I highly recommend the movie to anyone looking for a wonderful character film that pulls at your heartstrings without being obvious and Oprah-Book-of-the-Week-like.
Here are a couple of scenes and the trailer. I can't promise there won't be spoilers, so beware.
Trailer (no English)
Trailer (English)
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1244939288029
This wonderful extended International trailer has a split screen of the film and does include spoilers...so be warned: SPOILERS! Although if you don't understand Norwegian you won't know what's being said exactly.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
'Abduction' trailer
If you are in the need to see the little rat-faced boy from Twilight play a plethora of characters from Steven Segal to Jason Statham to just about any and all action movie character from any and all movies, you are in luck! Here he is playing a kid who is normal and ordinary who finds out after hitting it off with pretty high school girl #1, that he seems to be a missing person. But why? Oh look! Someone just showed up at his door and attacks his "parents" who tell him to RUN! He, of course, runs and off he goes. Also, the chicky is with him. They run and run and run. He kicks and punches and kicks and runs and fights and kisses the girl.
The only reason I would ever watch this movie is because Michael Nyqvist is in it and he plays a bad guy. The only reason.
The only reason I would ever watch this movie is because Michael Nyqvist is in it and he plays a bad guy. The only reason.
'Cowboys and Aliens' trailer
The first time I heard Jon Favreau was making a movie with this title I immediately thought, "What?" The reason being that this sounds like a stupid idea. Cowboys and aliens? Yet, watching this trailer makes me wonder if I was wrong. I'm thinking yes.
However, they have used the familiar high-color contrast combination of orange and blue to flavor their film; a combo that is used far too much for really no reason what-so-ever other than human beings find those two colors to be pleasing when used in contrast.
What's the movie about, you ask? Well, Daniel Craig plays a man who has been dropped into 1873 Arizona with no clue about who he is, where he's from and why he's there. He has some kind of weird weapon on his wrist and he is taken into custody in this little back-water town when all of a sudden some aliens appear in ships and attack and then start to abduct the other people in the town. What do they do with them? Where do they take them? Why are they taking them? Why are they blue and the people orange? All questions to be answered when the movie comes out.
However, they have used the familiar high-color contrast combination of orange and blue to flavor their film; a combo that is used far too much for really no reason what-so-ever other than human beings find those two colors to be pleasing when used in contrast.
What's the movie about, you ask? Well, Daniel Craig plays a man who has been dropped into 1873 Arizona with no clue about who he is, where he's from and why he's there. He has some kind of weird weapon on his wrist and he is taken into custody in this little back-water town when all of a sudden some aliens appear in ships and attack and then start to abduct the other people in the town. What do they do with them? Where do they take them? Why are they taking them? Why are they blue and the people orange? All questions to be answered when the movie comes out.
'Immortals' Trailer
Tarsem Singh. Seriously, one of my favorite directors. Eiko Ishioka. My favorite costume designer.
Now that is out of the way, let me state that I don't fancy these '300'-type movies. While interesting visually, and possibly story-wise, they tend to just be too much flash. Now, with my man Tarsem directing I can know for sure that if it is just flash it will be beautiful flash. Like, the flash will be so blindingly awesome that your eyes will cry with joy.
Also, since I am obsessed with masks, I love the mask that one guy is wearing.
Trailer...now:
Now that is out of the way, let me state that I don't fancy these '300'-type movies. While interesting visually, and possibly story-wise, they tend to just be too much flash. Now, with my man Tarsem directing I can know for sure that if it is just flash it will be beautiful flash. Like, the flash will be so blindingly awesome that your eyes will cry with joy.
Also, since I am obsessed with masks, I love the mask that one guy is wearing.
Trailer...now:
'Transformers: Dark of the Moon' trailer
I'll start out by stating the obvious: Things go boom, transformers go transform, cameras go pan, people are orange and everything else is blue. Now, that being said, whoever does the final cuts for the trailers knows how to cut a trailer that is fun to watch...and most likely shows all the best parts from the movie.
This trailer doesn't really tell any story, but hey, what do you want? There was no story in the second one and barely a story in the first one, so there being no story in this movie really doesn't matter. I mean, what the hell do people go to see Michael Bay movies for anyway? To see orange people run from blue things that go boom! From what I deduce from the other trailers I've seen along with this one, is that at some point in the 60's during the moon landing (or before) some (or all) the transformers buried themselves (or crashed) on the moon. Now Optimus Prime is pissed because Marge Gunderson and the rest of the peoples on planet Earth didn't share everything they knew about his species with him. Then a bunch of transformers pop out of the moon and, as best I can tell, transport to Earth, possibly to the Washington Monument or something? Then they go all around destroying shit and probably chasing Sam Witwicky and his new piece of ass. That would be Rosie Huntington-something, a Victoria's Secret model with big boobs and big lips. Presumably they hope she will keep her face shut and not mouth off to the hand that feeds her. Let's hope that she either has a small number of lines or can actually act. She's a model, so let's not hold our breath.
Here's the trailer:
This trailer doesn't really tell any story, but hey, what do you want? There was no story in the second one and barely a story in the first one, so there being no story in this movie really doesn't matter. I mean, what the hell do people go to see Michael Bay movies for anyway? To see orange people run from blue things that go boom! From what I deduce from the other trailers I've seen along with this one, is that at some point in the 60's during the moon landing (or before) some (or all) the transformers buried themselves (or crashed) on the moon. Now Optimus Prime is pissed because Marge Gunderson and the rest of the peoples on planet Earth didn't share everything they knew about his species with him. Then a bunch of transformers pop out of the moon and, as best I can tell, transport to Earth, possibly to the Washington Monument or something? Then they go all around destroying shit and probably chasing Sam Witwicky and his new piece of ass. That would be Rosie Huntington-something, a Victoria's Secret model with big boobs and big lips. Presumably they hope she will keep her face shut and not mouth off to the hand that feeds her. Let's hope that she either has a small number of lines or can actually act. She's a model, so let's not hold our breath.
Here's the trailer:
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
'Our Idiot Brother' Trailer
Paul Rudd is an idiot. Well, his character is an idiot in this movie. I personally love Paul Rudd.
He plays a guy who gets arrested for selling drugs to a uniformed police officer at a farmer's market and when he gets out he travels around and crashes in on his three sisters and mother. I'm guessing, as is usually the case with these movies, that it ends up having heart.
He plays a guy who gets arrested for selling drugs to a uniformed police officer at a farmer's market and when he gets out he travels around and crashes in on his three sisters and mother. I'm guessing, as is usually the case with these movies, that it ends up having heart.
'The Troll Hunter' Trailer
Based on the fact that this is most likely a mock-umentary and as such looks quite interesting and the fact that it's Norwegian, and I love my Nordic folk, I believe I'll see this. Obviously the effects aren't stellar but my guess is that they are supposed to be like that.
Apparently, there are trolls roaming the Norwegian countryside and are kept in preserves by the government. That about covers it.
Apparently, there are trolls roaming the Norwegian countryside and are kept in preserves by the government. That about covers it.
'The Devil's Double' Trailer
Just because you keep putting 'Based on a True Story' doesn't mean the adaptation of someones true story will be good. In this case it looks like what you'll be getting is a whole lotta orange.
The basic run-down is that Saddam Hussein's son is a giant d-bag full of sluts, money and greed and he takes some guy and hires him to become a double so he can continue being a giant douche. Of course he's incredibly violent and nasty and over-the-top, though I am sure the guy was a giant prick.
Movie-wise, it looks terrible. I don't really care that the story was/is based on some true life-story, the fact that it's being played out like some reject version of 'Scarface' in the Middle East really doesn't appeal to me at all.
The basic run-down is that Saddam Hussein's son is a giant d-bag full of sluts, money and greed and he takes some guy and hires him to become a double so he can continue being a giant douche. Of course he's incredibly violent and nasty and over-the-top, though I am sure the guy was a giant prick.
Movie-wise, it looks terrible. I don't really care that the story was/is based on some true life-story, the fact that it's being played out like some reject version of 'Scarface' in the Middle East really doesn't appeal to me at all.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
'Tron 3 'Flynn Lives' teaser short
Tron: Legacy was one of my favorite movies of last year. It was fun, exciting, and dazzling with graphic diamonds in the form of pixel-people breaking apart inside Tron. I know the story wasn't what made the movie, it was the whole world that was created inside the video game.
Plus, Garret Hedlund is awesome, Bruce Boxleitner is awesome and they both have great voices.
Here is a teaser-short that is coming out on the DVD/Blu-Ray release of Tron: Legacy on April 5, 2011. It kind of sets up the next movie a bit and it's very well done. I hope they have some kind of ARG to go along with this movie.
Plus, Garret Hedlund is awesome, Bruce Boxleitner is awesome and they both have great voices.
Here is a teaser-short that is coming out on the DVD/Blu-Ray release of Tron: Legacy on April 5, 2011. It kind of sets up the next movie a bit and it's very well done. I hope they have some kind of ARG to go along with this movie.
'Hanna' Trailer
I posted about this movie awhile ago and I have to say that it looks even better now.
With a stunningly awesome cast and a soundtrack by The Chemical Brothers, Hanna is sure to be awesome. It's also the first movie I've wanted to see in a really long time.
Here is the international trailer, the trailer and a couple clips to whet your appetite.
With a stunningly awesome cast and a soundtrack by The Chemical Brothers, Hanna is sure to be awesome. It's also the first movie I've wanted to see in a really long time.
Here is the international trailer, the trailer and a couple clips to whet your appetite.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
'Splice' Review *SPOILERS*
It's been quite awhile since I've written a review and/or bitched about a movie, so here it is. I'm going full-throttle on 'Splice'.
I watched this movie last night after having it for several weeks, I kind of wish I had just sent it back without watching it. At first I thought most of it was good, just the end really got the bad looks. But as I thought of it more and more I began to realize that I thought it kind of, how do I say, sucks.
*SPOILERS*
Let me spell out the basics of the movie first.
Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley play two scientists (hip and young, of course) who have created these two creatures they name Fred and Ginger. Fred and Ginger were created to find cures for, I think, every disease blah, blah, blah. Of course they "imprint" each other and so make the magic cure, or something. They are all excited to continue on to make some kind of wonderful human-hybrid, but the drug corporation they work for wants to start stage two and move on to synthesize the proteins the creatures make for profit. So these two idiots decide to secretly create their own hybrid creature just to see if they can.
Of course, this being the plot of the movie, they see that they can indeed not only create the lifeform, but also bring it to term. They tuck it into, what I suppose is a secret room, yet it's right next to where the rest of the scientists are working, so it couldn't be that secret. After being born and then growing rapidly, Polley's character Elsa, convinces Brody's character Clive, to let the creatures life go on naturally since it's aging so quickly it'll die soon anyway; so he agrees. But soon things get a little out of hand and they have to move her to Elsa's mother's farm. Oh yeah...Elsa never wanted a real child because her mother was abusive to her and she didn't want to do the same to a child, or something along those lines. So, after all this neglect over their other, paying, project the original creatures attack each other at the shareholder's meeting, killing each other; the female one turned male.
Blah, blah, blah...the company gets real strict with the scientists and Dren (the creature's name. NERD spelled backwards, NERD being the company they work for) undergoes a series of events which show how Elsa does indeed have the same qualities as her mother, which culminates when she first takes a cat away from Dren, only to give it back and have Dren kill it before attacking her after Elsa slaps Dren. Fearing she'll attempt another attack, Elsa knocks Dren out and removes her stinger. Dren also develops wings at some point. This all sort of makes sense in the long-run, though stupidly.
Elsa uses the stinger tissue to generate samples to synthesize the proteins and saves the company. YAY! I'm not entirely sure, but just before the story goes off rail Elsa and Clive head back to the farm to get Dren and I'm thinking they were going to present her to the company or something so she can actually get out of the barn, or they were going to kill her; not sure. Anyway, when they get back to the barn she appears to be dead/dying in the water tank (yeah, she can breathe under water) and shortly she dies. This is where the movie should have ended...with Elsa and Clive burying her and that's it. But, you see...it isn't where the movie ends. I think the third screenwriter, the 'AND' screenwriter, had their hand in what comes next. What comes next is clearly included to make many, many sequels a-la Species. Clive and Elsa bury Dren and as they are walking back up front, a car drives up. It's Clive's brother and the company annoying-man. He demands to know where the creature is and as he demands something sweeps in and steals him away. Then it steals away Clive's brother and eventually Clive. But there is more! It then proceeds to rape Elsa (yeah, much like the other creatures, the female has turned male) thereby setting up the land of sequels before getting stabbed by Clive. Oh, there's more! Clive gets stabbed by Dren's stinger before Elsa smashes its head in with a rock.
So we end the story with her in the drug company's office getting a money offer and sympathetic, "No one would blame you for not going through with it", speech before she stands up and we see her pregnant and uttering the line, "What's the worst that could happen." I think she said that, it was uttered like 80 gazillion times in the movie. And that is what just made this movie tank in my eyes.
Before that, I actually was at least enjoying it. I thought Sarah Polley did a good job showing Elsa's issues with wanting a child but being afraid and then essentially treating Dren, her pseudo-child, exactly like she was afraid she would. I thought Dren was well-acted by Delphine Chaneac, she captured the child-like wonder and sadness that an abused and forgotten human child would show; the anger and frustration of not being able to leave the home. I thought Adrien Brody played idiot guy well enough. His hesitation at going along with Elsa time and again, his hesitation at Dren's advances...all of it worked. But what stopped it from working was when they took a story that should have ended, a commentary on science and morality in the common era, and took it down the road of stupid, shlock horror movie in order to set it up for sequels. That is when I checked out.
I watched this movie last night after having it for several weeks, I kind of wish I had just sent it back without watching it. At first I thought most of it was good, just the end really got the bad looks. But as I thought of it more and more I began to realize that I thought it kind of, how do I say, sucks.
*SPOILERS*
Let me spell out the basics of the movie first.
Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley play two scientists (hip and young, of course) who have created these two creatures they name Fred and Ginger. Fred and Ginger were created to find cures for, I think, every disease blah, blah, blah. Of course they "imprint" each other and so make the magic cure, or something. They are all excited to continue on to make some kind of wonderful human-hybrid, but the drug corporation they work for wants to start stage two and move on to synthesize the proteins the creatures make for profit. So these two idiots decide to secretly create their own hybrid creature just to see if they can.
Of course, this being the plot of the movie, they see that they can indeed not only create the lifeform, but also bring it to term. They tuck it into, what I suppose is a secret room, yet it's right next to where the rest of the scientists are working, so it couldn't be that secret. After being born and then growing rapidly, Polley's character Elsa, convinces Brody's character Clive, to let the creatures life go on naturally since it's aging so quickly it'll die soon anyway; so he agrees. But soon things get a little out of hand and they have to move her to Elsa's mother's farm. Oh yeah...Elsa never wanted a real child because her mother was abusive to her and she didn't want to do the same to a child, or something along those lines. So, after all this neglect over their other, paying, project the original creatures attack each other at the shareholder's meeting, killing each other; the female one turned male.
Blah, blah, blah...the company gets real strict with the scientists and Dren (the creature's name. NERD spelled backwards, NERD being the company they work for) undergoes a series of events which show how Elsa does indeed have the same qualities as her mother, which culminates when she first takes a cat away from Dren, only to give it back and have Dren kill it before attacking her after Elsa slaps Dren. Fearing she'll attempt another attack, Elsa knocks Dren out and removes her stinger. Dren also develops wings at some point. This all sort of makes sense in the long-run, though stupidly.
Elsa uses the stinger tissue to generate samples to synthesize the proteins and saves the company. YAY! I'm not entirely sure, but just before the story goes off rail Elsa and Clive head back to the farm to get Dren and I'm thinking they were going to present her to the company or something so she can actually get out of the barn, or they were going to kill her; not sure. Anyway, when they get back to the barn she appears to be dead/dying in the water tank (yeah, she can breathe under water) and shortly she dies. This is where the movie should have ended...with Elsa and Clive burying her and that's it. But, you see...it isn't where the movie ends. I think the third screenwriter, the 'AND' screenwriter, had their hand in what comes next. What comes next is clearly included to make many, many sequels a-la Species. Clive and Elsa bury Dren and as they are walking back up front, a car drives up. It's Clive's brother and the company annoying-man. He demands to know where the creature is and as he demands something sweeps in and steals him away. Then it steals away Clive's brother and eventually Clive. But there is more! It then proceeds to rape Elsa (yeah, much like the other creatures, the female has turned male) thereby setting up the land of sequels before getting stabbed by Clive. Oh, there's more! Clive gets stabbed by Dren's stinger before Elsa smashes its head in with a rock.
So we end the story with her in the drug company's office getting a money offer and sympathetic, "No one would blame you for not going through with it", speech before she stands up and we see her pregnant and uttering the line, "What's the worst that could happen." I think she said that, it was uttered like 80 gazillion times in the movie. And that is what just made this movie tank in my eyes.
Before that, I actually was at least enjoying it. I thought Sarah Polley did a good job showing Elsa's issues with wanting a child but being afraid and then essentially treating Dren, her pseudo-child, exactly like she was afraid she would. I thought Dren was well-acted by Delphine Chaneac, she captured the child-like wonder and sadness that an abused and forgotten human child would show; the anger and frustration of not being able to leave the home. I thought Adrien Brody played idiot guy well enough. His hesitation at going along with Elsa time and again, his hesitation at Dren's advances...all of it worked. But what stopped it from working was when they took a story that should have ended, a commentary on science and morality in the common era, and took it down the road of stupid, shlock horror movie in order to set it up for sequels. That is when I checked out.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
'Fast Five' (God, I wish I was kidding) trailer
Yes...another Fast and Furious movie. Why? I don't know. But, here's an awesome quote from this gem of a movie, "And above all else, never...ever... let them get in cars." This fine quote is followed by various shots of cars revving engines, girls in short skirts walking slowly and Paul Walker and Vin Diesel in a car ("Let's go surfing...dude!). Then the lines get even more stupid, "This just went from mission impossible to mission in-freakin'-sanity." Yes, that was an actual line uttered in this trailer.
Then it just gets more ridiculous with shots of trains smashing into trains and then people jumping off the train onto speeding sportscars in the desert. Oh, always remember that if jumping off the roof of a building, flailing wildly and then crashing into a tin-roof and falling more...you'll be fine. It happened in a Fast Furious Four Five Fun movie. Alsom this model is fully loaded! Ugh!
Oh, dear GOD...it gets worse! They actually take two sportscars, yank out a safe from a bank and drag it through the streets as it slides around and smashes into things. Please, Mythbusters, please do an episode on how stupid this is!
Then it just gets more ridiculous with shots of trains smashing into trains and then people jumping off the train onto speeding sportscars in the desert. Oh, always remember that if jumping off the roof of a building, flailing wildly and then crashing into a tin-roof and falling more...you'll be fine. It happened in a Fast Furious Four Five Fun movie. Alsom this model is fully loaded! Ugh!
Oh, dear GOD...it gets worse! They actually take two sportscars, yank out a safe from a bank and drag it through the streets as it slides around and smashes into things. Please, Mythbusters, please do an episode on how stupid this is!
'Your Highness' Trailer
Admittedly when I first saw this on Trailer Addicts site I thought, "come on", then I realized that it had this cast and was also the movie that had Natalie Portman in a thong. Not a draw for me, but because it was plastered all over the internets a few weeks ago, it's nice to see which movie I can expect to see her almost-naked ass in.
This actually looks pretty funny. A classic "find-the-stolen-princess" movie, but still...it looks funny.
This actually looks pretty funny. A classic "find-the-stolen-princess" movie, but still...it looks funny.
'Hanna' Trailer
I've got to say, this looks pretty intriguing. It has a great cast and you can't go wrong with slapping a favorite in to do the soundtrack (Chemical Brothers).
Saorise Ronan plays a young girl who apparently lives in the woods with Eric Bana (not a bad deal for me, really) and there is some kind of switch which will bring Cate Blanchett and the authoratah their way if it's turned on. So, of course, she switches it on and the authoratah fly on down. Bana gets away but leaves the daughter behind looking scared and frightened. But, she apparently isn't scared and frightened and instead kills someone posing as Blanchett's character before escaping and causing a man-hunt.
Looks like she's some kind of mutant, or genetic freak, or what will most likely become a SyFy Channel movie if this one does well.
I would like to see this movie unless they release another trailer that makes it look shitty.
Saorise Ronan plays a young girl who apparently lives in the woods with Eric Bana (not a bad deal for me, really) and there is some kind of switch which will bring Cate Blanchett and the authoratah their way if it's turned on. So, of course, she switches it on and the authoratah fly on down. Bana gets away but leaves the daughter behind looking scared and frightened. But, she apparently isn't scared and frightened and instead kills someone posing as Blanchett's character before escaping and causing a man-hunt.
Looks like she's some kind of mutant, or genetic freak, or what will most likely become a SyFy Channel movie if this one does well.
I would like to see this movie unless they release another trailer that makes it look shitty.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
'The Wicker Man is Gone in 60 Ghost Riders'...
AKA: Drive Angry.
As if I need to say anything more that what I typed above...Here is the description Apple provides for this "movie":
'In the newest 3D action-adventure from the director of MY BLOODY VALENTINE, DRIVE ANGRY stars Nicolas Cage as Milton, a hardened felon who has broken out of hell for one last chance at redemption. Intent on stopping a vicious cult who murdered his daughter, he has three days to stop them before they sacrifice her baby beneath a full moon. He's joined by Piper (Amber Heard) - a young, sexy waitress who liberates her ex-boyfriend's cherry-red muscle car in order to help Milton. Now, the two of them are hot on the trail of the deadly leader of the cult, Jonah King (Billy Burke), who believes it is his destiny to use the baby to unleash hell on earth. But the bloodthirsty cult is the least of Milton's problems. The police are after him too. And worse, an enigmatic killer known only as "The Accountant" - who has been sent by the Devil to retrieve Milton and deliver him back to hell. With wicked cunning and hypnotic savagery, the Accountant will relentlessly pursue Milton at high speed across the country until his mission is accomplished. Fueled by high octane and pure rage, Milton must use his anger to go beyond all human limits to avenge his daughter's murder, before his last chance at redemption is revoked.'
If you STILL need some kind of proof that this is a stupid waste of what I would have once called Celluloid, but now deem pixels, here's the trailer where we see Wickerman/Ghost Rider combine with Gone in 60 Seconds to make this...thing.
As if I need to say anything more that what I typed above...Here is the description Apple provides for this "movie":
'In the newest 3D action-adventure from the director of MY BLOODY VALENTINE, DRIVE ANGRY stars Nicolas Cage as Milton, a hardened felon who has broken out of hell for one last chance at redemption. Intent on stopping a vicious cult who murdered his daughter, he has three days to stop them before they sacrifice her baby beneath a full moon. He's joined by Piper (Amber Heard) - a young, sexy waitress who liberates her ex-boyfriend's cherry-red muscle car in order to help Milton. Now, the two of them are hot on the trail of the deadly leader of the cult, Jonah King (Billy Burke), who believes it is his destiny to use the baby to unleash hell on earth. But the bloodthirsty cult is the least of Milton's problems. The police are after him too. And worse, an enigmatic killer known only as "The Accountant" - who has been sent by the Devil to retrieve Milton and deliver him back to hell. With wicked cunning and hypnotic savagery, the Accountant will relentlessly pursue Milton at high speed across the country until his mission is accomplished. Fueled by high octane and pure rage, Milton must use his anger to go beyond all human limits to avenge his daughter's murder, before his last chance at redemption is revoked.'
If you STILL need some kind of proof that this is a stupid waste of what I would have once called Celluloid, but now deem pixels, here's the trailer where we see Wickerman/Ghost Rider combine with Gone in 60 Seconds to make this...thing.
'The Pajama Game'
I have Netflix and I love it. I've also been telling my mother that I would put a few Doris Day movies in my queue so she could watch some that are hard to find, or those which she just doesn't want to go and buy at this time. There are a few in the instant play section and the first one I saw was 'The Pajama Game' so I decided that, since I had nothing to do tonight, I would go ahead and watch it with her.
I trucked my XBOX on down, hooked it up, downloaded the 300 updates that have been released in the 6 months since I actually turned the damn thing on, and fired up the movie. Why, oh why, did I pick this movie to play? See, here's the thing about these movies: they are either really good or really bad. Even if they have a large amount of cheese, they can still be considered good if you get a laugh or two (at or with the film, it doesn't really matter sometimes). When they go rotten, they go rotten bad. This damn movie made NO freakin' sense.
It opens in a pajama factory and immediately the characters start dancing and singing before we are sort-of introduced to the leads (Day and some guy who resembles Cole Hauser). I shit you not, they almost instantly start singing about how in love with the other they are. I mean, 5 minutes in and they are almost walking down the aisle (My Dad, who decided to watch this movie with us, pointed out that they need to keep the train moving).
After what seemed like 90 minutes of singing, dancing and bad acting but was really just about 20 minutes of singing, dancing and bad acting, they fight because the workers are striking over a pay raise and Day breaks the line and gets fired by the dude-who-looks-like-Cole-Hauser, also her boyfriend, before more singing and dancing ensues which leads to Hauser-dude finding out the amount the workers want in a raise was added at some point in the books and they give them the raise they all want which leads to singing and dancing. The End.
There are some good songs that came out of this movie, like Hernando's Hideaway, but the majority of this movie is pretty much captured by the seemingly random babbling I typed above. Seriously.
I trucked my XBOX on down, hooked it up, downloaded the 300 updates that have been released in the 6 months since I actually turned the damn thing on, and fired up the movie. Why, oh why, did I pick this movie to play? See, here's the thing about these movies: they are either really good or really bad. Even if they have a large amount of cheese, they can still be considered good if you get a laugh or two (at or with the film, it doesn't really matter sometimes). When they go rotten, they go rotten bad. This damn movie made NO freakin' sense.
It opens in a pajama factory and immediately the characters start dancing and singing before we are sort-of introduced to the leads (Day and some guy who resembles Cole Hauser). I shit you not, they almost instantly start singing about how in love with the other they are. I mean, 5 minutes in and they are almost walking down the aisle (My Dad, who decided to watch this movie with us, pointed out that they need to keep the train moving).
After what seemed like 90 minutes of singing, dancing and bad acting but was really just about 20 minutes of singing, dancing and bad acting, they fight because the workers are striking over a pay raise and Day breaks the line and gets fired by the dude-who-looks-like-Cole-Hauser, also her boyfriend, before more singing and dancing ensues which leads to Hauser-dude finding out the amount the workers want in a raise was added at some point in the books and they give them the raise they all want which leads to singing and dancing. The End.
There are some good songs that came out of this movie, like Hernando's Hideaway, but the majority of this movie is pretty much captured by the seemingly random babbling I typed above. Seriously.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
'Hard Rain' Trailer
My friend moved down to Austin and mentioned that it was raining a lot today, so I told him he should have a jet ski and if it comes to it, he can recreate this movie...
It's an oldie...but an oldie. I can't say goody, because let's be honest, if you've watched the movie or the trailer, you know what it is. Mostly nostalgic, humorous crap.
Sadly, I saw this in 1998 at the theatre. Best part? Jet ski chase through the elementary school. Honestly, the movie is about a town being flooded because, I suppose, a hard rain is a fallin'. Then two armored car guys get stuck and Morgan Freeman and his thugs, who want to rob the bank, or something, rob them too. Yet, Mr. Slater (not A.C.) has hidden the money and then becomes the prime suspect. Also, Randy Quaid is the sheriff (I'm the WHAT?). There's also a chase on jet skis. I couldn't find a clip of the ridiculous chase on aforementioned jet skis, but here is the trailer!
It's an oldie...but an oldie. I can't say goody, because let's be honest, if you've watched the movie or the trailer, you know what it is. Mostly nostalgic, humorous crap.
Sadly, I saw this in 1998 at the theatre. Best part? Jet ski chase through the elementary school. Honestly, the movie is about a town being flooded because, I suppose, a hard rain is a fallin'. Then two armored car guys get stuck and Morgan Freeman and his thugs, who want to rob the bank, or something, rob them too. Yet, Mr. Slater (not A.C.) has hidden the money and then becomes the prime suspect. Also, Randy Quaid is the sheriff (I'm the WHAT?). There's also a chase on jet skis. I couldn't find a clip of the ridiculous chase on aforementioned jet skis, but here is the trailer!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
'My Soul to Take' Trailer
Hmmm...it's almost, just almost, as if Wes Craven recently watched 'Scream', remembered it made a lot of money, watched some of his other movies, realized people also watched them, and then thought, "Let me mash them all together into one, giant, shitty piece of shit...and MAKE IT 3D!" Because that is what this movie looks and sounds like.
Pay no attention to the fact that the kid they show getting killed in the beginning is shown moments later when the group of idiot teenagers are standing in the woods, even though they insinuate that the kid died 100 years ago, or whatever the story is...I don't care.
Basically, they tell the whole story, little Jimmy has dreams, or something, of someone getting killed and then those people seem to have been killed. A bunch of idiots go into the woods on the very night Hobo John disappeared or something and they all start dying. But Hobo John might just might be the daddy of little Jimmy. Or little Jimmy might be the killer. Most likely, it's either his mother (SO original) or little Jimmy's sister, angry that Hobo John/Daddy never loved her.
That about sounds right. And IT'S IN 3D!
Pay no attention to the fact that the kid they show getting killed in the beginning is shown moments later when the group of idiot teenagers are standing in the woods, even though they insinuate that the kid died 100 years ago, or whatever the story is...I don't care.
Basically, they tell the whole story, little Jimmy has dreams, or something, of someone getting killed and then those people seem to have been killed. A bunch of idiots go into the woods on the very night Hobo John disappeared or something and they all start dying. But Hobo John might just might be the daddy of little Jimmy. Or little Jimmy might be the killer. Most likely, it's either his mother (SO original) or little Jimmy's sister, angry that Hobo John/Daddy never loved her.
That about sounds right. And IT'S IN 3D!
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