Tuesday, February 23, 2010

FOX's 'Past Life' dies after 3 weeks.

Yeah, FOX? I could have told you this wasn't a smart idea to buy this pilot and produce it. I knew it when I first saw the damn preview. A show about murdered souls being trapped inside the bodies of those currently alive, desperately trying to solve their murders, just sounded dumb.

It was dumb because it can't have a long run. I mean, really. Do the murdered souls just suddenly realize they are back in the bodies of the living? Why would this happen? It's like 'Cold Case' only really stupid.

Spend the money you might have saved on this show to pay for more 'Fringe' episodes. Do it now!

'Wall Street:Money Never Sleeps' Trailer

Yeah, that's the name of the sequel to Wall Street. They should call it Wall Street: Hollywood Wastes Money on a Sequel No One Asked For. But they told me that the name was too long, so they went with Money Never Sleeps.

I never saw Wall Street because I do not like Oliver Stone movies (they put me to sleepy-land) and I don't think movies about Wall Street really intrigue me. I don't see the men/women on the trading floor waving their hands around and yelling as being an enticing box office draw to me...meaning it's boring as shit. So you can guess how excited I am about a sequel where Michael Douglas' character gets out of prison and I assume does whatever the hell it was he does. Sit around and talk in voice over, I think? And carry his gold money clip, with no money in it? That sounds about right.

And thankfully they show the entire movie in the full trailer, so no need to actually WATCH the stupid movie.

'Green Zone' Trailer

What did I think when I first saw this trailer? Oh, another Bourne movie. I mean, it has Matt Damon. It has Paul Greengrass. It looks like the same movie. It MUST be a Bourne movie! But...it's not.

They seriously should have called this: The Bourne Parable: Green Zone. Because it's a damn Bourne movie!

'Terribly Happy' (Frygtelig lykkelig)

What is one thing I love in the cinematic world? If you said David Lynch, you would be correct. Any movie that gives mention to being like a Lynch movie and is in a foreign language has my attention immediately. Basically the main character, a disgraced marshal, gets sent to this creepy little town filled with some weirdos. They use the local bog to cover up their dirty little secrets and he gets tangled up with a married woman who is beaten by her husband.

The first trailer looks like someone gets killed? I really don't know. But the second trailer just makes the whole movie looks incredibly weird so I can't wait to see it.

Trailer 1:

Trailer 2:


Tuesday, February 16, 2010

'Killers' Trailer

Isn't this the same movie as that one with Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz? Night and Day, I think it's called? It also looks just as awful as this one.

Katherine Heigl once again plays an incredibly unlikable character rather blandly and meets Ashton Kutcher, who I would believe as an FBI agent just about not at all, while on vacation alone...not alone, recently single...but not always single. He sweeps her off her bland feet but...ut-oh! he's got a "blank-to kill" from the blank-blank-blank. Eesh!

'Cop Out' Trailer

First, this trailer is WAYY too long. Like 4 minutes too long. Second, it sounds like shit. Real shit. Bad shit. Why the hell is Bruce Willis in this? I know why Tracy Morgan is; it's because he's Tracy Morgan and he can't do anything else but play Tracy Morgan.

And they are so original to use Black Betty in there too. Fantastically awful. Do yourself a favor and don't waste the time even watching the trailer because it's an unfunny two and a half minutes of hell.


Sunday, February 7, 2010

LOST "LA X part.1" **SPOILERS**

It's that time again...time for LOST to take up Tuesday evenings. It's the last season and will that mean we finally get to find out where/what the island is? Who/what the smoke monster is? What the hell is going on? I don't know, but there was plenty of WTF? going on this first episode of the season. It definitely is not the time to just casually sign on and watch the show. I've watched and followed the show and played the ARG's since the beginning and I was confused as shit.

-- Jack's on the plane and he's looking slightly confused. Is he confused because he was just on the island and now he's on the plane, way back at the beginning? Or because his drink isn't strong enough? Hmmm...

-- Ut-oh! The plane is starting to shake and rattle but this time...nothing happens. Bernard makes it back to the seat and doesn't get separated from Rose. Kate doesn't get away from the marshall, Charlie O.D.'s in the bathroom, etc.

-- Jack goes to the bathroom and discovers a small scratch/burn (?) on his neck. It wasn't there before. Is this from the island? Have they been transported back in time?

-- What the hell is Desmond doing on the plane? And he doesn't know Jack. So, if they went back in time and nothing on the island has happened, then shouldn't Jack at least recognize Desmond from his run-in with him that one time at the bleachers? Well, he recognizes the "Thanks, brother" part. Also, if they went back in time, wasn't Desmond already on the island? In the hatch? What the hell is going on?

-- Jack keeps staring at Des and he asks what's wrong? Jack asks if they know each other and Des says he doesn't know, but he introduces himself. Jack looks like he's confused again, but can't place why.

-- Jack looks out the window and the camera pans down to the ocean and goes under water. Oh look! It's the Darma Initiative camp...under water!


And there is our little Darma shark friend!


And the 3-toed statue/leg is underwater too!

So if Jack and the gang (Desmond included) never came to the island, the plan never landed and none of the events ever happened as we know them with these people, and the whole island is underwater, does that mean that nothing ever happened? And the island died with the Dharma Initiative? Or did the events occur with different people? Or are we still on diverging timelines?

-- Kate wakes up...in a tree! But, she's still on the island, which would obviously mean that the bomb-blast didn't work. Her hearing is all f'd up and she encounters Miles as she's wandering around the jungle. And there's a hatch. But it's the Swan hatch after Desmond blew it up. So, as Miles says, "I guess we're not in 1977". So they ended up back in the current time? Or at least after the hatch had been exploded. Jack and Sawyer are laying there in the grass too.

-- Sawyer is not real happy with Jack. The explosion was supposed to make it so none of this ever happened. But instead all it did was put them back where they started. And...back to the "Non-Plane-Crash" Timeline (NPCTL).

-- Jack goes back to the bathroom (Who is he? Me?) and runs into Kate coming out of the bathroom. They both look at each other like they sort of recognize each other, but don't really recognize each other.

-- The marshal gives Kate her meal back at their seats and Sawyer bumps into the marshal. He apologizes and he and Kate look at each other. Some dude is bothering Hurley about doing a voice from one of his Mr.Cluck's commericals...oh good, it's Arzt. So he's annoying no matter what the time line is? Awesome. Man, this guy is annoying. And now there is no chance of him blowing up via some old dynamite. Now he's asking how a guy like Hurley could become an owner of a major corporation. He says he won the lottery and that grabs the attention of Sawyer.

-- Sawyer says he shouldn't tell people he won the lottery because people will take advantage of him. Hurley says that it won't happen because nothing bad ever happens to him. So...in this time line Hurley still won the lottery but obviously the numbers didn't mean anything regarding the island and are not bad luck. He wasn't in Australia trying to discover their mystery. And he's loads more confident, at least it seems to be the case based on this smirk:

...oh Hurley, I still love you!

"Island Time Line" (ITL)

-- Sounds like Juliet is still alive. Though it shouldn't be possible because she shouldn't be at the bottom of the pile of metal in the blast whole. This blast hole was not where the atomic blast happened. But she's there, calling for help.

-- Hurley is trying to help Sayid and hears twigs cracking. Oh wonderful, it's Jacob. Yeah...the Jacob that Ben killed and Locke kicked into the fire. He needs to speak to Hurley.


-- Sun, who is with Jin and never got away from him. She's gazing longingly at Bernard and Rose. Jin asks why she's staring at them and she says they just seem so happy. His response is to tell her to button her sweater. Yeah...in this time line Jin is still an ass who can't speak English. Wonderful for Sun.

-- Locke is looking at a flight safety card when Boone tells him he's wasting his time. If the plane goes down in the ocean, they have zero chance of survival. Locke tells him that isn't true and rattles off some facts. Boone then asks why he was in Australia: Business or Pleasure? Locke says pleasure. And Boone says he went to get his sister out of a bad relationship that it turns out she didn't want out of. Locke elaborates on his trip and says he was there on a Walkabout. Turns out in this time line he went on the walkabout. Maybe he also isn't such a sad sap? Boone tells him that if the plane does go down, he's sticking with him. Nice, considering Locke got him killed in the original time line.


-- Locke picks up and cleans his knife while Ben stands staring at the fire. Locke tells Ben that he can stop staring at the fire because Jacob is gone.

Locke then tells Ben to go out and tell Richard that he wants to talk with him. Ben asks what he wants to talk to him about and Locke says it is between him and Richard.

-- Richard tells everyone that no one is going into the cave unless Jacob invites them. What's-her-face says that that is why they are hear...because Jacob invited them. Ben stumbles out and says that everything is fine but that John wants to talk to him. Richard drags Ben over to Locke's body and said that he'd be happy to talk to him but Ben needs to talk to him first. Apparently Ben didn't know that wasn't the real Locke? He really looks surprised.

Oh, I'm not entirely sure that this is taking place in the same time as the other island time line. This is LOST, so chances are...no.

-- So everyone is digging out Juliet but they can't get to her so Sawyer sends Jin off to the van to get chains. Hurley is with Jacob and they go back to the van. Jacob is looking at Sayid and looks concerned. Hurley is firing off questions and tells Jacob that he better answer because Jin will be back soon. Jacob says that Jin won't be able to see him because he died an hour ago. Classic Hurley line: Sorry dude, that sucks. He tells Hurley that he was killed by an old friend that tired of his company. Which I assume is whoever/whatever Locke is now?

-- Jacob tells Hurley that he needs to save Sayid. He has to take him to the temple and that Jin knows where it is. They will be safe there and he has to take the guitar case with him. Just then Jin comes running out of the woods. They go back to the hatch with the van and chains and Sawyer tells Kate that if Juliet dies he'll kill Jack.


-- Flight attendant-Other asks if there is a doctor on board the plane and that there is a passenger that went into the bathroom a half hour ago and isn't responding. Sayid appears and asks if he can help. He kicks the door in and they find Charlie in the bathroom not breathing. He has apparently swallowed a balloon of his little Virgin Mary drugs. So, this time line Charlie is still a junkie.


-- Sawyer and the gang get the junk free and he climbs down to Juliet. She tells him that she hit the bomb to let him go home and never have to come to this island. She says it didn't work; they're still on the island.

-- The people who brought dead-Locke back go into the cave and ask who Locke is and where Jacob is. He tells them that Jacob is dead and not to worry about him. He wants to talk about them. Something tells me that they shouldn't have come into the cave. This clearly isn't Locke. He tells them that if they are Jacob's bodyguards he has good news: Jacob burned up in the fire, so they can leave. The one guy stupidly shoots Locke and he disappears around a pole.

-- CLICKETY-CLICKETY-CLACKITY...here comes Smoke Monster! And he/it is not happy. He pretty much tears everyone up and kills them all. One of the guys pours some of that dirt that they found around Jacob's cabin and Smoke Monster can't get to him. What is this crap? And why does it keep the monster away? Oh yeah, it knocks the guy out of the circle and kills him.

-- Locke's back...but, wait. What? He tells Ben that he's sorry he had to see him like that? What the hell? This Locke is the Smoke Monster? Ben genuinely looks terrified of whatever this is. I love it!

-- Sawyer gets Juliet free and before she dies she says she has to tell him something really, really important. Josh Holloway has some lovely white teeth.


-- Charlie is getting arrested and tells Jack that he was supposed to die. Hmmm...yes. You were.

-- And...Desmond has disappeared. Where the hell did that sexy bastard get off to? Of course no one saw him.

-- Okay...maybe Non-Plane-Crash-Locke is still a sad sap. He's still in a wheelchair and that looks has Locke written all over it.

So what have we learned with the first part? Well, since it's LOST nothing is for sure, but it appears that there are two diverging time lines where they never crashed and I bet everything is going to fall to shit and then there is the time line where they set off the bomb but ended up at least in the same time period after Desmond blew up the Swan hatch. What will we learn next?