'The Spy Next Door' Trailer

Oh look! It's a play on words. See...instead of the GUY next door, it's the SPY next door! SOOOO clever!

Well, it's also 'The Pacifier' but with Jackie Chan making an ass of himself instead of Vin Diesel making an ass of himself.

Here's the rundown of this abysmal piece of crap: Jackie Chan is the neighbor to some brats. The mom of the brats asks him to watch the kids. Hilarity is supposed to ensue, but instead we get the typical antics: The kids hate neighbor Chan, he tries to make breakfast but instead burns stuff and somehow makes oatmeal into a giant brick stuck on a fork, he feeds a pig some bacon in a sequence that is really nasty and not at all funny (why does everyone have to have a pig as a pet?), he flips a little girl end-over-end and she lands in her clothes. Yeah. Oh, and let's not forget that he's really a spy on loan to the CIA and he has to stop, Home Alone-style, a bunch of baddies who, for some reason, are attacking him in his neighbors house.

This is so bad, and such a mish-mash of about 10,000 other movies of greater or lesser (let's be honest, even the worst of the movies this one is borrowing from have to be better) that I just can't even fathom how this got Green Lit. How? Was there NO other script laying around that maybe was original?
My problem with movies of this ilk are that they are assuming that the audience is stupid and will gladly watch whatever tripe plopped in front of them. In some cases (like most of the audience that I encountered today), they are happy to literally watch whatever crap you tell them to watch. But please demand better for your children and for yourselves. This movie is BAD!

Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (yeah...that's the title)

Let's keep this description of this tripe simple: Further raping of one of my childhood cartoons and the fact they are in love with themselves in drag...

What the hell is this?

Okay, I'm ONLY posting this because sometimes we all need a laugh. Seriously...listen to Skynet sing away for this girl. By Skynet, I of course mean a vocoder. My question is this: Why do these people keep getting record contracts when they can't sing without the usage of a machine to make them, sometimes, sound good but usually sound like shit? This sounds like shit. I get Styx using it in Mr.Roboto and Aerosmith using it...they don't suck.

And...here are some other things to ponder: Why are her boobs motionless and so far apart when she's standing up? Why does it look like she is wearing one of those Halloween fake-boob breastplates? I know they are fake, but why would you spend that much money on tatas that are roughly a mile apart and do not move? I don't get it!

Here's the laughter-inducer: