Sunday, July 26, 2009

Roland Emmerich to get his slimy hands on an Asimov story? had this story up on their site and it made me SOOO angry! I love Isaac Asimov and while I've never read the Foundation trilogy, I have so much respect for him that allowing Roland Emmerich to even look at the book is akin to blasphemy.

"Is Roland Emmerich learning how to use the light touch by hiring Saving Private Ryan's writer Robert Rodat to pound out his next scifi project, adapting Isaac Asimov's Foundation? And how scared are we that it's now longer than Patriot?"

How scared are we? Very. Giving that man any movie to make is bad enough, but throw in a writer who makes screenplays that are 240 pages long? And we will have a very long, very drawn out, very badly CGI'd movie-disaster on our hands!

The rest of the article, which you can access below, is an interview with Roland Emmerich.

I don't know Mr. Emmerich, he may be a really great, nice man who just happens to make scripts into steaming piles of shit. I don't know. But I CAN tell you that this board post just about sums up what would happen if he got his hands on, well, anything really.

"Ext. Trantor skyline- night. There are 20 or 30 small explosions in the background to set mood.

Int. HARI SELDON (Jason Statham) and PRINCESS VOLUPTUA (Megan Fox) in a hot tub in Seldon's penthouse. VOLUPTUA is reading HARI's psychohistory findings from a cybertablet. She is wearing horn-rimmed glasses because she is really smart but now takes them off and shakes out her hair to reveal that she is in fact really hot too.

VOLUPTUA: But Hari, according to this the Galactic Empire will fall plunging billions of worlds into the Dark Ages. That would be bad!

HARI: I know, sweetcheeks, but the Imperial Council won't listen to me. Even now, the Mule and his Space Pirate Cyberzombies are tearing through the Mega Laser Wall at the edge of the Omega Sector. Listen to them out there. [2 medium sized explosions for listening to] Society is tearing itself apart. As a noted academician, that really pisses me off.

VOLUPTUA emerges from the hot tub and walks hotly to the balcony and leans over saddle of hovercycle. 2 medium and one big explosion for backlighting. She arches her back.

VOLUPTUA: What are you going to do, darling?

HARI points a remote at wall. Panel slides open to reveal all sorts of really big weapons. He lights space cigar. Tight shot of HARI's face.

HARI: It looks like I'm gonna have to teach them all the basic Foundations.

3 really big explosions for emphasis.

Emmerich's Asimov Foundation Trilogy Being Written By Private Ryan Scribe

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