Hallaloojah's Hallaloojah's! Lafayette is back (at least he appears to be)! After being scared shit-less last week by Andy and then by a visit from Pam requesting him to get back to selling 'V' (it was a request from Eric), my fair Lafayette is back to being that saucy makeup-wearing, head-scarf tying, sassy bitch I've come to love! And he wears a shirt that states he is 'Bitchy' as he curls his lashes in the bathroom mirror.
This was probably the best episode so far this season. It was filled to the top with awesome; I even managed to overlook Valerie Cruz' horrible acting because I was distracted by Skarsgård...what can I say, he does that to me! So what the hell happened, you ask?
-Bill/Lorena: Lorena still won't let Bill leave the damn hotel room! What a bitch! She keeps saying she's his maker and he belongs to her. Blah, Blah, Blah! Meanwhile, he knows Sookie is in danger and begs Lorena to at least let him call Eric and have him go check on her. Lorena informs Bill that Eric is the reason she's here and that he wants his human. We also float on back to memory lane, the '30's, and see when Bill was still with Lorena. She brings him a luscious little chorus girl to suck on but he doesn't want that and he sends her away. They start arguing like 5 year olds and he begs her to release him. She eventually does as a blood-tear slides down her face.
Hey Bill? Why haven't you even worried about Jessica since at least two episodes ago? Remember she was pissed at you?
-Jessica/Hoyt: Well, fine, I'll worry about Jessica then! Hoyt showed up last week (last night in show time) and he was all sweet and shit. They start talking and end up confessing they are both virgins and Jessica says she'll be his first, just not tonight. They cuddle and the next night when she awakens he has thrown petals all over the room and lit candles (blood scented, they smell like soup to him [yuck]). So sweet! But, something bad has to happen and eventually the selfish people in the other room will remember she is there.
Eric/Texas Vamps: Eric talks with Isabel outside the Fellowship's headquarters about Godric and their humans. Eric insists he isn't interested in Sookie nor what Bill thinks of his interests. He's lying his ass off, though! Valerie Cruz has also returned with the horrid accent, so that sucks. I recommend blocking it out after the first time you watch the scene...it's easier that way, just focus on the Swede. Later on, while walking back to his hotel room with Stan and Isabel, they all start arguing about who is the inside man and Stan says something disparaging about Eric to which Eric flies off the handle and pins him to the wall. He turns away and says that if Godric dies, he'll have lost everything (and he cries [Eric cries?] some blood-tears). He also overhears Barry telling Bill/Lorena about Sookie's message and takes off like a bolt of lightning.
Sookie/Hugo: Hugo is a dumb shit! I read the books, so I knew this was coming, but seriously! What a damn dumbass! Sookie and Hugo are locked in a cage thingy in the basement and Hugo is all freaking out about being claustrophobic (you aren't in a room, it's a fenced-in area dude!) and how he has to get out. Sookie calls out to Godric and telepathically calls out to Barry to tell Bill where she is, neither man/vamp answers. Steve and Gabe come down to find out what they want to know and Hugo starts yapping about who she is and what her name is. When Steve hears 'Stackhouse' he takes off to go find Jason. He thinks he's a traitor. Hugo then starts banging and calling out and when Sookie touches him she reads that he is the traitor and she confronts him (not the smartest thing to do seeing as you are locked in a cage with this man, but she's also kind of stupid). He says that his life was ruined because of the relationship with Isabel and he basically needed salvation. Sookie says that he's dumb to think they'd just let him go. To them he is a 'Fangbanging traitor', nothing more. He should have listened to her because soon Gabe comes in and beats the shit out of him. He also starts in on Sookie and tries to rape her...but Godric comes to the rescue! This was the end of the episode but we haven't covered all the storylines, so I continue.
Maryann/Eggs/Tara/Sam/Orgy/Daphne: Last week ended with Daphne getting Sam into the woods where he was kidnapped and brought to the never-ending orgy (sing to the tune 'Neverending Story'). Andy stumbles into the clearing, he's still after that damn pig, and sees all that's going on. A shot rings out and Maryann gets distracted, which gives Sam a chance to get away. He runs off with Maryann close behind and shifts into an owl (good thing he didn't see a turle right then!). Oh and everyone in the clearing started screaming when he got away. Andy approaches Terry, who breaks Andy's arm. Can you imagine the extras call? 'We need 50 people to be stark naked'. Honestly, I'd do it if I would be guarenteed there would be a Skarsgård near by...maybe.
The next morning Tara and Eggs wake up on the couch and have no idea what happened to them. Maryann comes home covered in dirt and blood, with a dead rabbit in her hands. Ick!
Sam, meanwhile, has retrieved a gun and goes off to locate Daphne. She tells him that Maryann saved her life and gives her everything. She jumps in the lake and proceeds to tell that Maryann is a Maenad and that she is a consort of Dionysus (apparently the Devil in this world) and that she is immortal and there is no point fighting her. Later, Maryann shows up and Daphne says she has been waiting for her. Maryann thanks her for her service and out steps a black-eyed Eggs to stab her. Was this because she told Sam what she was?
Arlene/Tara/Lafayette/Bar: Tara is at work and Arlene comes in to tell her that she has to talk to her. They go into the bathroom where they encounter Lafayette applying his makeup. Tara and Lafayette have a classic coversation before Arlene tells her that she has no idea what happened the night before. She was trying to ply Terry with booze to loosen him up and then she blacked out. She thinks she took advantage of him. Later Andy comes into the bar looking for Terry. When he sees he isn't there he starts going off about how he saw all of them acting like lunatics in the woods and he'll find out what's going on. They all think he's drunk, which he is, except Sam who knows what is going on.
Jason/Sarah: It took six episodes for Jason to bang Sarah (bathtub handjob doesn't count, does it?), really Jason! This episode finds them still in the church and she says that he's shown her what love is. I love the look on his face! She wants to tell Steve, but Jason doesn't want her to since "Steve has guns" and during the lock-in they'll be locked in with Steve and all his guns! They agree to wait until after the events of the next morning. Later Jason encounters Steve and Gabe and he thinks they are after him for sleeping with Sarah, but it's really because Steve thinks he's a vampire loving infiltrator. Steve tells Gabe to take care of him and when Gabe calls Sookie a whore, Jason loses it. He takes off running and Sarah finds him sometime later, where she shoots him (it's a paintball, I saw the trailer afterwards).
What will occur next week? It's getting good!
EDIT: Here is a compilation of Eric scenes!